9/11/01 From the Perspective of a 16 Year Old

            Every year leading up to this day, I feel dread, I know it’s going to be an emotional day. A day when I will feel like a bandage has been ripped off on a fresh wound, even 13 years later. On this day, 13 years ago, I had just turned 16 almost 2 weeks before. Life was great, I was enjoying high school, time with friends, being able to date boys, I had just gotten my driver’s license and had my own car, I was busy with work and sports, learning sports medicine, and even more importantly I had enjoyed my first year as a Fire Explorer for the city of Bellevue, WA and loved learning about being a firefighter, interacting with firefighters, going on ride-alongs, and getting a taste of my dream job. I was on top of the world. Then the morning of September 11 arrived. I awoke for early morning Seminary (scripture study class with my church), I was eating breakfast and watching the morning news with my parents when breaking news hit and we watched the WTC North tower burning. It was unclear at that time what had happened. It was not long after, that my Mom and I saw a plane hit the South tower. At that moment I remember my Mom saying “We are under attack!”. I was stunned, my brain didn’t comprehend what she meant. Up until that moment, for the first 16 years of my life, I lived blissfully, in a free country, where the words “war” and “terrorist attack” was something that happened to other people in different countries. When I heard the words “terrorist attack” come out of the mouth of my parents, my world turned upside down. Life as I knew it had changed forever.

I had to tear myself away from the news and drive to Seminary. I remember thinking of all the FDNY firefighters who were running into those buildings as everyone was running out, and I said a huge prayer for them. Seminary was solemn, we were all in shock, still trying to understand what had happened. As soon as class was over, I ran to my car to turn on the radio to find out what was happening and heard that a plane had hit the Pentagon and that the South tower had collapsed. My heart sank even further. Had the people and first responders been able to evacuate? What the hell was going on? Were there going to be more attacks? Was my family and I safe here in Seattle? On my drive to school, reports came in that a plane had crashed in a Pennsylvania field, there were still speculations on what had happened there. By the time I made it to school, I rushed into the nearest room with a TV (the teachers lounge) and watched live as the North tower came down. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Emotions were running high, I was feeling so many things by that point: Fear, anger, sadness, helplessness, my heart was crushing as I heard that there were many firefighters still in those towers when they fell. My own Brotherhood, buried and/or killed.

               Throughout the day, no school was done. We just went from class to class and watched the news, watched as everything continued to unfold. I kept seeing replays of the planes hitting the towers, of people jumping out of the towers, and the towers collapsing. I thought about how horrible it must have been for people to be jumping to their death. It was a surreal moment in time. By the time I got home, I just felt numb. I remembered having to work that day at the Mall, I was so mad I had to work. No one was shopping, it was dumb we had to be there.

For days, we watched TV, just glued to it. Watching and hearing about the recovery effort and I was dying at that point that I was only 16 and couldn’t go be a first responder and help search the rubble. I kept thinking “If I were in that situation as a first responder, would I have the courage to run into a building while everyone else was running out?” I was already certain that my dream job was in being a first responder, but it was during those questions, soul searching and the answer I had come to terms with that solidify my decision to pursue my career in Fire/EMS. My Dad, a veteran police officer and who also had extensive training in Post Traumatic Stress debriefings was put on high alert that he could be called up at any moment to go over to NYC to help and council with those involved in the rescue efforts. He had a bag packed in his car for weeks just in case he had to leave at any moment. I remember feeling afraid that he might have to go, and so relieved when he didn’t. But considering I am just like him in almost every way, and at 16 I was dying to go help search the rubble, I know he felt the exact same way. Still, I was grateful he didn’t end up going.

               There are many other events in the weeks, months, and years that followed. I watched my future brother in-law get deployed to Iraq within months after the attacks and war was declared. I watched my best friends have to say goodbye to boyfriends/fiancés as they got deployed, I watched friends get deployed and best friends’ husbands get deployed. Like I said before, life as I knew it had changed forever. I truly learned that Freedom doesn’t come free, that we are all vulnerable, that this type of attack could happen at any moment. But I also watched in the days and weeks that followed, and saw communities come together. Families, friends and neighbors helping each other get through this difficult time, and I saw true Patriotism show throughout the country for the first time in possibly my entire life. For a brief moment, it didn’t matter what political party you were, your beliefs, or religion, we were all united as Americans. It was a bitter sweet time that I never want to forget, and vow to never forget.

To the 343 FDNY brothers lost, you are never forgotten:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqzSAKV5ASM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnUfwlDB9yA

A need for upliftment

I had this entire blog post written out about anger and how I was feeling angry tonight, and talking about music that I listen to when I am angry, etc. But as I wrote the post, it just didn't feel right. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. But it's music, pictures and videos of my Savior Jesus Christ that tend to truly soften my hardened heart and help me get through the difficult emotions I feel at times through this difficult illness. This video is called "Reflections of Christ", a slideshow of photographs taken by Mark Mabry of real life people acting out the life and stories of Jesus Christ. I love paintings of Christ, but something about seeing real life people makes it so much more emotional and real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oteno81QzzQ

But I thought I'd share a few other paintings and photographs that depict how I truly feel tonight. I realize how much I need my older Brother, my Savior and Redeemer who knows and loves me more than I know myself, and he understands my heartaches and pain.

He truly KNOWS and FEELS our pain and sorrow

He prays with us and for us to our Heavenly Father

He loves each one of us

I hope this post brings comfort to someone reading this as these video/photos did for me tonight. In the meantime remember:

Pain... how do you endure it?

Pain, it's an interesting subject. I could get all scientific and talk about all the studies about pain receptors and the brain, etc. But truly, I just want to talk about how pain just plain sucks. Question for those who deal with it often, how do you endure it? Feel free to leave a comment below with your thoughts and suggestions. Some people seem to handle it better than others, I've seen this as a paramedic, and when I've worked in the ER, some people really do seem to have higher pain tolerance, and some people also seem to have higher tolerance to pain medication as well. Some people have chronic constant pain and no one really knows how that feels unless they stand in that person's shoes, my heart goes out to all of you who deal with it daily for years on end. With Chronic Lyme, I have pain day in and day out, nearly constant. Some days I can go without pain medicine and be ok, and then there are days when I'm on the other end of the spectrum and I'm in bed, I've taken everything in my arsenal of prescriptions and I'm still writhing in bed. The hardest part for me is judging "is this going to get worse today?" "do I need to take something stronger for this now? or should I wait?" sometimes, like tonight, if I wait too long, I pay for it for a few hours while I wait for pain medicine to work to bring the pain level down to what I would describe as "bearable". A year ago, I think my "bearable" pain would have been unbearable for me. I feel as if because I've had it constantly for over a year during treatment, that I've become somewhat accustomed to it. Still, it doesn't make it anymore pleasant! I also have days when I seem stronger mentally and emotionally than on other days. Today is not one of those days for me. On my weaker days, when I'm in alot of pain, that is when I am constantly moving around in bed ;because it hurts everywhere, and I can't focus on a movie or a book (usually I can try to watch a show to distract myself), I'm putting ice everywhere and I'm rubbing peppermint essential oils all over to "cool" my muscles and joints down, and drinking peppermint tea (or a calming tea for anxiety) to help calm my stomach and my nausea as I wait for my phenergan and oxycodone or morphine to work. My eyes constantly tear up, or I cry to my husband and wonder when this will end. Most times of severe pain, I turn to my music (as I've discussed many times in the past on this blog about how much I love music and how important it is to me). I do know that there have been studies on music and the brain, and music helping with pain. I won't get into all those long scientific studies either right now. I have different songs that take me to different memories of my life. Have you ever felt the need to get away in your mind for just a moment to someplace safe, someplace that gives you the most comfort? Well I have one place, and a song that I hear that takes me there when I close my eyes and listen. I have to explain some background on this place. I grew up in Western Washington and the beaches there are cold, cloudy, wet, windy, and the water is ice. I bet most of you are reading that and going "Yuck! why would you want to go to a beach like that?" But I love the beach on the Washington coast, it brings pure JOY to me whenever I am there, and it's truly healing to my soul, it is HOME. I love going back whenever I can, which isn't too often these days. When I was a teenager, we spent each summer with very good family friends (their beautiful daughter married my brother :), at their beach house on a quaint little beach town in Washington. I have nothing but the BEST memories of that place. My parents and my brother and sister all lived there at one point or another over the years after I left home for college and got married. But I remember as a teenager, I would walk on the sand with my jeans rolled up, letting the water rush over my feet, listening to the waves, smell the salty air, letting the wet and cold wind blow through my hair as I watch the clouds move across the sea. It was so beautiful and peaceful. Sometimes I would drive my parents car up as for as I could facing the ocean at sunset and I would play some of my favorite soothing music while I watched the sun go down, thinking and pondering about life. The song I would listen to and still do that takes me back to that spot is called"The Prayer" (the original that I loved was sung by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban). All I have to do is close my eyes, and I'm back on the beach at sunset, the waves at my feet, wind in my hair, the salt water smell, everything. It is my one haven, a place I can disappear to for a few moments and forget about the pain and agony I am feeling and remember the joy and happiness I've felt and still do feel in my life. It's a beautiful reminder to me to keep holding on, to keep persevering, to be strong and never give up, remembering that God is with me always and that I am never alone.

I hope I can get back to the ocean again soon, I feel like a fish on dry land sometimes where I live, ok, almost everyday where I live! I'm land locked and live in a dry place! To my family who live near the ocean, feel free to send me some sand in the mail anytime! :) I added the lyrics (forgive me if the translation is off), and the youtube video is a beautiful live rendition. You know how most live renditions are a bit off key, not this one! It is gorgeous! Truly talented singers!

"The Prayer"

By Charlotte Church (featuring Josh Groban)

"I pray you'll be our eyes

And watch us where we go

And help us to be wise

In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer

As we go our way

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your Grace

To a place where we'll be safe

La luce che tu dai

I pray we'll find your light

Nel cuore restera

And hold it in our hearts

A ricordarci che

When stars go out each night

L'eterna stella sei

Nella mia preghiera

Let this be our prayer

Quanta fede c'e

When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace 

Give us faith so we'll be safe. 

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza 

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza

Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino

Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai

We ask that life be kind

E'il desiderio che

And watch us from above

Ognuno trovi amore

We hope each soul will find

Intorno e dentro a se

Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer

Let this be our prayer

Just like every child

Just like every child

Needs to find a place,

Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe

E la fede che

Hai acceso in noi

Sento che ci salvera"

So take a listen, close your eyes, and think about your favorite place for a few minutes and enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzDOEWoBJNs

Till next time...

Blessings

Sometimes I think I should make another blog just to share all the music I love. Music is my heart and soul and I know I share alot of it here, but it truly means so much to me. It is my way of expressing how I feel from one moment to the next every single day. When I find a new song to love, I always get so excited, and I listen to it over and over until I know the lyrics inside and out. I have been asked so many times what my favorite song, artist, genre is, etc. I have never been able to give one single answer to that question. I have over 3,000 songs on my ipod alone, and that's not including all my music on my computer, my old CDs from my teenage years, etc. I have music that ranges from classical to R&B to Country. I like to think I'm well rounded. But in other words, I love it all. I use music when I am happy, sad, angry, needing a boost of energy, needing to vent, needing to cry, I use it as a tool to help me with anxiety and panic attacks, I use it to help me fall asleep at night when I'm struggling with severe insomnia. Many times my blog posts come to my mind while I am listening to a particular song and I feel inspired to write. Music inspires me. I will get into more about music a little later in this post.

This week was crazy busy. I didn't know if I would physically and mentally survive all that I needed to do. I was praying like crazy that my Heavenly Father would strengthen me. It wasn't easy, and I walked through my tasks in much pain, and literally fell into bed in terrible pain at the end of the day. There were many days this week that I was so exhausted, but for some reason I was unable to sleep. When I don't get sleep, after so many nights, it starts to wear on me mentally. I become extremely emotional, my anxiety skyrockets, my depression returns, and eventually if I do not get a full night sleep, I will fall into a deep depression, have full blown panic attacks, and have a meltdown. But through help from above I was able to be a mother, wife, sister, and friend and help those around me this week. I was able to be there for my Son, take him on a field trip, be there for his preschool graduation, be there for his first baseball practice and help out. I was able to be an Aunt and be there for my nieces and nephews as we celebrated birthdays and I was able to be there to celebrate with them all. I was able to be a sister and be there for my sisters who were in need, but also enjoy being able to just talk with them, which I'm not always able to do when I'm stuck at home in bed. And though dishes are still stacked in the sink (though thank you Karen for helping with that!), dust is accumulating around the house, bathrooms aren't clean, I am grateful that I was able to do all I did. I have to constantly remind myself that I can't do as much as what I used to be able to before I was sick. I have to remember to pace myself, and it can be so frustrating for me. Actually it is beyond frustrating! I have thrown things at walls in frustration because of this illness and shed so many tears. But when I look back to a year ago, I have made giant strides. Last year at this time, I couldn't walk around a grocery store without feeling like I was going to pass out. I was sleeping most of the day, and I was living on pain medication on a constant basis.

I still live with constant pain and nausea everyday, and some days are worse than others. I wonder sometimes if I've just gotten used to it, or is it really starting to get better? I'm using less narcotics, though I still use quite a bit of phenergan (anti-nausea) because my gut has been ripped to shreds by over a year of antibiotics and anti-malaria meds. My joints still stab me on a constant basis and my legs feel swollen at the end the day. My legs ache like crazy each night and I take magnesium supplements and rub magnesium oil into my sore muscles to help them relax and help stop any twitching. I still rely heavily on glutathione supplementation, but since I can't give it through IV (well I can give myself an IV in emergencies), I nebulize it twice a day and it seems to help keep symptoms at bay (flu-like symptoms that would be there on a constant basis if I didn't). Some days I do forget or don't have a chance to do both doses, and I feel the repercussions from it the next few days afterwards. I also still struggle with migraines, but increasing my magnesium supplementation has greatly helped decrease the amount of migraines I have every month.

I had another monthly appointment with my Dr and we decided that the current antibiotic I had been on for Babesia for the past 2 months wasn't working. My anxiety has skyrocketed and I've been having full blown panic attacks at least twice a week, and about 2 more that I've been able to stop with medication each week (so that comes to 4 a week?), my daytime sweating has increased again. These two symptoms are two very big symptoms of Bartonella. So we both agreed that my Bartonella has come back in force and so we have switched antibiotic treatment to work on knocking down the bartonella bacteria. I hope this decreases my anxiety and panic attacks because those are always the worst feeling in the world. If you have ever had a full on panic attack where you feel like your chest has been constricted with a huge band, you can't breathe, everything in the world comes crashing down around you, you get tunnel vision, you feel your limbs going numbs,  and you are just praying that you pass out so you can get back to breathing normal, it is literally one of the scariest feelings.

So that is life here, good and bad as always. Or one step forward and one or two steps back, depending on the day. But no matter what, I try my best to look for the blessings in my life, the silver lining and do my best to keep positive as best I can. So here I am again with music. I am LDS and have spent most of my life listening to LDS artists when it comes to spiritual music. But for the past few years I've branched out and found some amazing and beautiful Christian artists that I love. One that I like is Casting Crowns. They have played music in movies like Fireproof, Courageous, and Facing the Giants (all great movies if you haven't seen them). One favorite is called "Praise You in This Storm". I listen to it to remind myself on the hard days that my Savior is always there with me even through the rain and storm:

"Praise You In This Storm"

By Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

Another song I love is from the movie Fireproof called "While I'm Waiting". Right now, to me, this song means that I will be faithful while I'm waiting and hoping things continue to improve as I trudge through each day of this illness:

"While I'm Waiting"

By John Waller

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

Well I could share many more thoughts, and many more songs. But I know this is already long enough for today. Until next time!

Under Our Skin

May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month. There is a documentary that really got my attention and helped me learn about Lyme after being diagnosed. Its called "Under Our Skin". I found a full version of it on youtube. If you haven't watched it, please do. It's about an hour long and very insightful. So in honor of Lyme Disease Awareness Month, I thought I'd post it on my blog for any and all to see. Till Next Time!

To The Love Of My Life!

I thought I'd take a little break from Lyme tonight and share a new favorite love song that makes me think about the love of my life, my wonderful husband that I can't say enough about, who has continued to stay by my side through all the thick and thin (more thick than thin through our 7 years of marriage). This song is out on the radio right now, and I just love it, I listen and think this must be how he feels as I put him through a roller coaster ride of emotions, but know he continues to love me with his all as I love him with my all. This particular version from youtube includes the main singer John Legend with my new favorite Mormon pop/rock violinist Lindsey Sterling. It's awesome! So, Enjoy! (if you get my emails and can't view the video, go to my blog website to see it). And so tonight, here's to you Honey! I Love You More!!!

                                                                "All Of Me"

[Verse 1:]
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

[Pre-Chorus:]
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

[Chorus:]
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

[Verse 2:]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

[Pre-Chorus:]
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

[Chorus:]
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

[Bridge:]
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

[Chorus:]
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Till Next Time!

Still Climbing Mountains

As most of you know, I am a Christian, and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My Faith is very important to me, it is the biggest thing that keeps me grounded and stable in my life and in my trials. I know God lives, I know Jesus Christ lives and is our Savior and Redeemer, that he died for us so we can live with our Heavenly Father again after this life. I believe in life after death. I believe that we lived as spirit children before this life and that we are all children of our Heavenly Father. In my faith, we are able to receive Priesthood blessings. I have had many over the years as a child, and many during this particular trial in my life of fighting Lyme Disease. In these blessings, I have had strong feelings and words spoken to me that confirm to me that I chose this trial before I came to this earth, to my mortal life. I have had strong feelings that I may never fully recover from this disease, that it is a trial I will have to fight and overcome throughout my life. Over the past year of treatment, I have come to accept that this may be. I feel calm most of the time, full of faith and knowledge that God does not give us more than we can handle, and that we are not given trials because we have done something wrong, but that we are given trials to learn and be “polished” and prepared to help others in this life and in the next life. Now, just because I say all of this, does not mean I do not have days where I feel sad, cry in pain, and ask God why he has given this burden to me to bear. I have many of those days. But thankfully I also understand that I am not alone. My Savior Jesus Christ has felt everything I feel, he knows me better than I know myself. He is there beside me through everything. And though there are times I know he has to watch me struggle before he can help me, he is there watching and will help me when I need his grace the most. There is a poem that I love about footprints in the sand:

“One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’

The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’

-Mary Stevenson

I have had many times when I know my Savior has carried me when I could not do it alone. I am grateful for those moments because they have strengthened my love, my testimony, and my faith in Him.

During this last weekend, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints had it’s semi annual General Conference where we are given the opportunity to listen to our prophet and apostles speak to us. There are so many wonderful talks and quotes, it is always a boost for me. One talk stuck out to me by Dieter F. Uchtdorf about Gratitude. He spoke about gratitude and having it especially during times of trials and hardships. (to see this talk, go to https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2014/04?cid=HPSU040614654&lang=eng ) One thing I remember most is him saying “Be grateful no matter what!”. It can be so hard to find the silver lining in our trials, but there is always a silver lining and always blessings, big or small. I have seen blessings in my own life and my family life this past year in many ways. When we are in the depth of despair and hardship, we can go two directions, we can become angry with God, or we can have faith in Him and be grateful for our trial. The second is hard to do, but as we accept that he is giving us these trials out of love and to help us learn and become better people, it is easier to recognize the blessings he sends our way to help us through them.

As I’ve said before, I love music. One symptom of my disease that has been prominent throughout my suffering and treatment is anxiety.  A Symptom of Lyme, Bartonella and Babesiosis, as I've come to find out from my doctor. My coping strategies for it besides medication (which I do use), is music. I have many playlists on my ipod. One in particular I listen to when I feel an attack coming on. I have named it “When in Despair” and I thought I would list the songs I have on the list for those who might like to look them up, this list is full of music sung by many people who are members of my faith and the words and music are beautiful:

“Savior, Redeemer of My Soul” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“He’ll Find A Way” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“Homeward Bound” by Jericho Road

“Come to Jesus” by Jericho Road

“Christ of Hope” by Michelle Tumes

“Testify to Love” by Jericho Road

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” by Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra on Temple Square

“Draw Me Nearer” By Meredith Andrews

“Close Enough to Touch” – Women At the Well Soundtrack

“Let His Love Reach You” by Alex Boye

“The Test” by Roger Hoffman, written by Janice Kapp Perry

“Homeward Bound” by Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square

“Come Unto Him” by John Cannan (New Testament Video Soundtrack)

“My Holy House” by Algie Powers (New Testament Video Soundtrack)

“Baptism” by Paul Cardall

“Oh Lord, My Redeemer” from “I heard him Come” – Jeff Goodrich

“Healing Waters” by Michelle Tumes

“I Heard Him Come” – Jeff Goodrich

I add to this list from time to time and have many other lists I listen to depending on my mood, but this is the one I listen to when I need to feel comforted.

I apologize if I’ve already posted this song or lyrics, blame it on my lyme brain if I have… but here is the song (from youtube) and lyrics to the song “He’ll Find a Way” sung by Dallyn Vail Bayles:

When life gets crazy and you've had enough,
and the more you search for some kind of meaning
the more you feel you're out of luck;
When your mind tries to reason and nothing adds up,
lay it all down.
Take a good look around.

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

When tears won't relieve you, when your heart feels numb
and your mind keeps repeating the painful, 
thoughtless things you've done;
And you're starting to wonder just who you've become,
believe you'll make it!
Give your worry up-
let Him take it.

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

Feel His love with each breath you're breathing.
It's as sure as your heart is beating!

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'
He'll find a way."

And one more, my personal favorite “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” Composed by Mack Wilberg, Sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square. (A personal history, my Mom and I played a flute duet of this song with our church choir when I was a teenager and I have loved this song ever since, I can listen to it over and over and never tire of it. The original compilation is a harp, oboe and flute, and it’s simply angelic! Everytime I listen, it calms me, and makes me want to pick my flute up and play it again, only it wouldn’t be the same without playing it together with my mom, I love you Mom!).

As Easter is upon us, I have deep reflections of my Savior Jesus Christ, and I love him more than I can express. I have such a difficult time expressing in speech, my testimony and love for him, mostly due to my anxiety and emotions. The best way I know how to do this is through written words and music. I hope this post gives comfort to someone in need today, as we are all going through our individual trials and hardships. I hope you can realize and remember that you are not alone as you have Mountains to Climb. For those reading this and wondering about the stories of Jesus Christ and his earthly ministry, you can read them in the King James Bible in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. And for those who may want to learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you can go to www.lds.org to learn more. Till next time…

(for my family who recieve this through email, if you are unable to see the videos, please go to youtube to watch).