As for the Lyme front, by the beginning of August I was showing symptoms returning of bartonella such as increased anxiety, insomnia, pain in my feet when I walk, etc. I had an entire list to tell my doctor, but didn't have to even tell him, because he already was asking me the exact questions like he was reading my mind. It was showing that the oral antibiotics for Bartonella had stopped working, so we decided to try IV antibiotics through my picc line. I was nervous at first. IV antibiotics are rough and harder on the system, I was scared I'd relapse and have symptoms I had in the very beginning that put me in the hospital. But for the most part everything went smoothly. It mostly just made me extra tired every day. The infusion took 4 hours a day.
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| first round of Antibiotics before I recieved my nice pump, I was hooked to a pole for 4 hours a day before the pump. |
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| Trying to keep it clean, uninfected, and no clots! |
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| Laying in bed, my favorite place to be |
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| The view of the end of our bed - oh so gorgeous! ;) |
At one point I formed a clot at the end of my picc line, which can be a bad thing. If the clot can't be undone, the picc has to be pullled out and I'd have to have a new one eventually put in. So a home nurse came and for the afternoon we worked with tPA (a drug used to get rid of clots- used alot in patients with strokes, etc.), thankfully on the second dose, it worked. It was stressful, but I was so glad it worked. So we were back in business and my doctor increased the dose of my antibiotic. So instead of dripping my med into my picc, I recieved a pump that I carry in a fanny pack that I sling over my shoulder and it infuses a large pack of meds into me while I can go about my day and be mobile.
In September, my anxiety continued to worsen and skyrocket. I was getting nervous. Usually when my anxiety increases, my sleep decreases, and then the depression hits me. By October the depression hit me like a brick wall within just a few days. I was a weepy wreck and I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with me! I hate that feeling, I've felt it so many times before over the past 5 years and it scares me every time because I have no control over it, or when it will happen. So I had another appointment with my doctor to let him know what was up and he decided that with all these new symptoms and symptoms that were worsening, oral antibiotics just weren't cutting it, so we decided to go IV antibiotics all the way. So right now I infuse 2 antibiotics through my picc line every day, it takes about 5 hours. I feel exhausted, both from the medications, but also from the severe insomnia I'm dealing with at the moment. More on that in a moment. So I drip one med into my picc by IV pole over 1 hour, and then my larger bag of medication I infuse through a pump over 4 hours. So I'm only hooked to a pole for an hour, so it's not so bad. Side effects of the meds have been mostly nausea, pain (joint or nerve), and diarrhea if I don't eat enough yogurt. Yay! so fun...
As for the insomnia, it is BAD! And I'm really scared. I am to the point where I don't rememeber when I've had one good night of sleep. I think it's been weeks, maybe months. I'm really not sure. All I know is that most nights I am either up all night, or part of the night, and get 2-4 hours of sleep. When this has happened in the past, I eventually have a mental breakdown. And to be honest I feel the mental fracture in my mind already that I'm trying so hard to keep together and praying so hard that I can find some combination of medications that will work to put me to sleep all night. My medication tolerance has increased quite a bit and that's been a challenge for my doctor. So we shall see how things go. I just really hope I don't have to go through ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy) treatment again, like last year for severe depression/psychosis, which is where I was headed when I had that treatment. So, many prayers my way would be greatly appreciated that I will have lots of GOOD NIGHTS of SLEEP! and my sweet Hubby too, he is struggling with sleep and being the main caregiver of our family, being both mom/dad has been extrememly hard on him. He is truly the strongest man I know. So when I see him falter and struggle, that is when I know I need to hit the floor hard with my knees and pray like no other wife asking for as much help as possible.
We get asked by friends and family sometimes why we are going through such tough trials when we are so young. We have been through so much in just the almost 7 years of our marriage, more than many people go through in 20 years of marriage. The only thing I can say is that it has been HARD for us, but it has brought us closer together as husband and wife, and as a family. We are strong in our faith. I have a very strong testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ and what he went through just for me, and I know that he is here with me every step of the way, I am not alone. I have felt his presence in my life many times, I have felt him walking next to me during hard times such as this, and I have felt him carry me during times when I could not walk. I know there is a reason God has given me this trial of my faith and physical and mental health. I know that it will be a way to help others someday, I already have seen this in small ways. I've been able to help others in very small ways to understand that they are not alone in their struggles. If that is why I am going through all this, then so be it, I will do it, so I can be more sympathetic, helpful and be his mouthpiece to help others around me. I just keep praying that my back stays strong enough as I carry this burden through my own life.
As Elder Jeffrey R Holland recently said in General Conference "may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another". http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng
