Friday, March 29, 2013
Colds and Oils
Well my sweet little boy has come down with a cold. Doesn't sound all bad right? Except my immune system is shot right now and so I'm trying extra hard not to catch his cold, but also continue to be his mommy and take care of him while he is sick. It's a difficult juggle. We'll see what happens. I really don't need a cold right now on top of everything else, but at the same time, I cannot stay away from my child, especially when he doesn't feel well and wants to be near his mommy. I go into major "mommy mode" when he gets sick and want to do all I can to make him feel comfortable and try my best to help him get over it quickly. It's really interesting how automatic that response is for me. I am also hoping his cold doesn't damper our Easter Bunny celebration in the morning. We are having the Easter Bunny stuff on Saturday so that we can keep Sunday as a special day to think about the Savior, His life, atonement and resurrection. As for myself, I have started to increase my antibiotic dose per doctor orders. Today I feel more off balance, more fatigued, increased joint pain, and more nausea, but so far I have been able to keep everything in check with medications, warm baths, rest and I am also starting to love essential oils, using them, learning about them and what all they can do for the body. It's all very interesting. I used oils with my son tonight for his cold and there's something special about being able to take care of your child when they are sick using home remedies. I have been so sick in the past, it's been hard to keep up with home remedies and being consistent with them, so we always end up in the pediatricians office with a sinus infection or ear infection, or both. I'm bound and determined to feel better myself so I can be better at taking care of my family!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Here's to Hoping for Better Days
These past few days have been a breath of fresh air for me. A few weeks ago I would have said I feel miserable today (with how I'm feeling at this particular moment), but after going through what I did last week, I'm just happy to not be in so much pain, to not feel so nauseated, and to be able to sleep. It makes a world of difference. Of course if I could, I'd love to go out on the town and go shopping, visit old friends and my family in the area, etc. But I can't quite do that yet. I have more confidence that things will be okay now that I have an arsenal of medications to help combat symptoms along this journey of fighting Lyme disease. Last week when things were at their worst, my husband was able to be here with me. Of course I hate that his vacation away from work was spent by my bedside, but I am so grateful he was here with me. As my mom always likes to remind me I "chose well" when I married him, which I have always agreed with her and have never questioned it. If anything, I feel like I'm just the luckiest girl in the world that he chose to marry me. He's an amazing man, one of a kind, and sometimes I am guilty of taking him for granted. He continues to stick with me through the thick and thin of everything and he's my best friend and rock that I constantly lean on. Last week on one of my scariest nights, I remember laying in bed in pain, having a hard time breathing, tears streaming down my face and not knowing what to do at that moment, but he was there kneeling by my side, holding my hand and praying for me both out loud and silently. He was able to give me a priesthood blessing and for a moment I was able to feel God's hand reaching down to bless me and say "it's going to be ok, I see you, I hear you, I am here with you, just keep holding on". He was there over those few bad days helping me walk or carrying me from place to place. He tried so hard to get me to sip on any liquid he could get down me, spoon feeding me ice chips and jello. He would wake me in the middle of the night to give me sips of fluid because my body would start to tremor in my sleep. He bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. When I was able to finally get out of my dilirium and look at him clearly, he was so happy to see my eyes with life behind them. I consider what we have between us as complete and utter true love for each other, and I couldn't imagine a day without him in my life. We did have to send him home on a plane this week to go back to work, it was sad, but thankfully I was having a better day and felt good being able to say goodbye at the airport looking somewhat alive and standing on my own two feet. And since I'm on the topic of my wonderful husband, a quick shout out to my sweet dear mother in-law, I saw this on pinterest and had to share because it's so true:
Yesterday, though I had a killer headache, I was able to get myself up and did some laundry. My son was such a big helper, he would help put the clothes in the wash and transfer them from the wash to the dryer and then take them out of the dryer and bring them to me on the couch to fold (he's being trained well at 4 years old, isn't he? haha, I love it). I feel lucky to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends during this time in my life. My sister also came over last night to be with me while my in-laws were at a class. I just needed someone nearby in case I needed help with my son, I was afraid to be on my own with him, so it was a comfort having her there. And today, my son is over playing at his Auntie's house with all his cousins who love him dearly! He was so excited to go and play with their legos and particularly one of his cousins that likes to play legos and pirates with him. So today Grammy is getting a break (at least I hope so) from caring for the two of us and I am enjoying a day of feeling okay. It's amazing how much that means now that I've felt much worse. I am feeling pain in my diaphragm and chest from time to time, but nothing horrible and my body does have shakes and tremors, but still not as horrible as last week. I wake up most mornings nauseated, but it seems to diminish with time or with medication. I have to be vigilent about staying very relaxed, not doing hardly anything, taking warm baths to soothe my joints and muscles, getting myself to bed on time and getting enough sleep, and make sure I'm taking my meds and supplements at breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a full time job taking care of myself right now! I am so grateful for my mother in-law being here to care for her grandbaby and take care of him when I can't. But after last week, I'm determined not to let myself sink that low again. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow for a check up and more IV glutathione, and most likely we will be increasing antibiotics again slowly to see how my body reacts. So here is to hoping for better days ahead! And a special special thank you to my family and friends, I have received so many messages, emails, letters, all expressing love and prayers in my behalf. Thank you all so very much for your love, it truly means the world to me.
And just to add a few more favorites that I've found on Pinterest (I know, I know, I'm a total pinterest junkie... but there's so much fun stuff on there to find), I hope you enjoy a few of my favorites, I might even start posting different quotes at the end of all my posts, who knows? The sky's the limit.
*(I did not make any of these and don't know who the artist/authors all are, just found them on Pinterest)
Yesterday, though I had a killer headache, I was able to get myself up and did some laundry. My son was such a big helper, he would help put the clothes in the wash and transfer them from the wash to the dryer and then take them out of the dryer and bring them to me on the couch to fold (he's being trained well at 4 years old, isn't he? haha, I love it). I feel lucky to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends during this time in my life. My sister also came over last night to be with me while my in-laws were at a class. I just needed someone nearby in case I needed help with my son, I was afraid to be on my own with him, so it was a comfort having her there. And today, my son is over playing at his Auntie's house with all his cousins who love him dearly! He was so excited to go and play with their legos and particularly one of his cousins that likes to play legos and pirates with him. So today Grammy is getting a break (at least I hope so) from caring for the two of us and I am enjoying a day of feeling okay. It's amazing how much that means now that I've felt much worse. I am feeling pain in my diaphragm and chest from time to time, but nothing horrible and my body does have shakes and tremors, but still not as horrible as last week. I wake up most mornings nauseated, but it seems to diminish with time or with medication. I have to be vigilent about staying very relaxed, not doing hardly anything, taking warm baths to soothe my joints and muscles, getting myself to bed on time and getting enough sleep, and make sure I'm taking my meds and supplements at breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a full time job taking care of myself right now! I am so grateful for my mother in-law being here to care for her grandbaby and take care of him when I can't. But after last week, I'm determined not to let myself sink that low again. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow for a check up and more IV glutathione, and most likely we will be increasing antibiotics again slowly to see how my body reacts. So here is to hoping for better days ahead! And a special special thank you to my family and friends, I have received so many messages, emails, letters, all expressing love and prayers in my behalf. Thank you all so very much for your love, it truly means the world to me.
And just to add a few more favorites that I've found on Pinterest (I know, I know, I'm a total pinterest junkie... but there's so much fun stuff on there to find), I hope you enjoy a few of my favorites, I might even start posting different quotes at the end of all my posts, who knows? The sky's the limit.
*(I did not make any of these and don't know who the artist/authors all are, just found them on Pinterest)
The Power of Music
The following is a post I wrote over a week ago, but wasn't able to post it till now:
I have always loved music. I remember hearing stories of how I'd walk around the house singing. My dad said he always knew I was happy whenever he heard me singing. I played in the school band from 5-9th grade, and most, if not all of my siblings were big on listening to music. My mom and dad both love music, it's just always been around me growing up. So when I met my husband who likes music but it's not important to him or a passion of his, I was floored. I thought "what? how can you not LOVE music? I thought everybody loves music like I do" You know those times when a song just hits you, you feel as if the words were written just for you, you feel the beat and rhythm through your bones and you just want to listen to that song over and over again because it expresses how you feel at that very moment in time. I listen to music when I'm happy, sad, need a boost, need to feel more relaxed, when i'm missing a loved one, etc. Singing songs to my little boy at night is my favorite part of bedtime, and I just love hearing him sing around the house during the day, just as my dad said he knew i was happy when I was singing, I know my little boy is happy when he's singing. I love to drive in the car by myself with whatever music i feel like listening to at that moment (mp3 players hooked to the car stereo is awesome). My music collection is huge and spans from oldies like the Beach Boys, to songs from the 80's, 90's, 00's, church music, christian music, christian rock music, country, classical, music from movie soundtracks, you name it, its probably there. So lately I've been trying to figure out why music is so important to me? And after much thought I realized that it is my way of expressing how I'm feeling at that moment in time without having to say anything at all. It's my own self therapy. So when I have days like lately where I feel down and hopeless as if this current trial is never going to end, I put my headphones on and pick a song that fits how i feel, or a song that I know will boost my spirit and it always seems to help even if it's just a little. So today I am grateful for the gift and talent of music and singing, I know not everyone has it, I'm glad I do. It's been a true blessing in my life and the life of my family. The following are a few favorite quotes I found on Pinterest recently that also describe my love for music so well:
I have always loved music. I remember hearing stories of how I'd walk around the house singing. My dad said he always knew I was happy whenever he heard me singing. I played in the school band from 5-9th grade, and most, if not all of my siblings were big on listening to music. My mom and dad both love music, it's just always been around me growing up. So when I met my husband who likes music but it's not important to him or a passion of his, I was floored. I thought "what? how can you not LOVE music? I thought everybody loves music like I do" You know those times when a song just hits you, you feel as if the words were written just for you, you feel the beat and rhythm through your bones and you just want to listen to that song over and over again because it expresses how you feel at that very moment in time. I listen to music when I'm happy, sad, need a boost, need to feel more relaxed, when i'm missing a loved one, etc. Singing songs to my little boy at night is my favorite part of bedtime, and I just love hearing him sing around the house during the day, just as my dad said he knew i was happy when I was singing, I know my little boy is happy when he's singing. I love to drive in the car by myself with whatever music i feel like listening to at that moment (mp3 players hooked to the car stereo is awesome). My music collection is huge and spans from oldies like the Beach Boys, to songs from the 80's, 90's, 00's, church music, christian music, christian rock music, country, classical, music from movie soundtracks, you name it, its probably there. So lately I've been trying to figure out why music is so important to me? And after much thought I realized that it is my way of expressing how I'm feeling at that moment in time without having to say anything at all. It's my own self therapy. So when I have days like lately where I feel down and hopeless as if this current trial is never going to end, I put my headphones on and pick a song that fits how i feel, or a song that I know will boost my spirit and it always seems to help even if it's just a little. So today I am grateful for the gift and talent of music and singing, I know not everyone has it, I'm glad I do. It's been a true blessing in my life and the life of my family. The following are a few favorite quotes I found on Pinterest recently that also describe my love for music so well:
So don't be surprised if I have a post here and there about a particular song and it's lyrics, I LOVE MUSIC!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
A Week from Hell
This last week has been the longest, hardest, most challenging week so far. I honestly don't even know where to begin. Last friday I went to my doctor appointment and went over lab results. My Lyme disease results came back inconclusive but leaning slightly positive, which is apparently not unusual. Many people test negative for it even when they have it. It's a sneaky little bacteria that knows how to hide. I had positive and high titers for 3 co-infections that tend to go along with Lyme. So with the results and my symptoms, my doc decided he would go ahead and start treatment for Lyme. He told me he'd start me on two oral antibiotics. At first I was devastated, I wanted him to just go straight to IV and hit me with all he had, but he had to talk me out of it. He told me he'd really hurt previous patients by going too quickly. I still wasnt' happy, but went ahead with his plans anyway. I was warned that symptoms would worsen before they get better. I truly had no idea how much worse they would get.
My husband flew in saturday for a week stay and we were able to take a night out away from everyone and spend time together. We had borrowed a wheelchair from friends so he could push me around the city so I wouldn't be so exhausted. I had never thought at my young age that my life would have to resort to being pushed in a wheelchair. I really had to suck up my pride, but in the end it was nice to get out, get some fresh air and not be exhausted after only a few minutes of being outside.
By Sunday evening (about 48 hours after starting on antibiotics), my symptoms were worsening. My tremors were turning into full body tremors, full body weakness, increased nausea, headaches, and just general pain. I wasn't sleeping much, and remember waking up early monday morning to stabbing chest pain that went straight through to my back and all I could do was shallow breath until it calmed down and I was able to relax a bit. By Tuesday, I was so shaky and weak, my husband had to feed me food because I couldn't do it myself. My brain/cognitive function was becoming more and more foggy and I had inceased symptoms of what felt like the flu, but much much worse (body aches, hot/cold, weakness, nausea, etc). At dinner time tuesday evening, I had a hard wave of nausea hit me while sitting at the table and I got up to go lie down on the couch in the front room. I almost passed out on the way there, luckily being able to catch myself before I fell and then laid on the couch for quite a while, the whole time praying I wouldn't vomit on my mother in-laws beautiful white carpet or beautiful front room couch. Eventually my husband helped me upstairs to lie in bed, but by that point I was having severe body tremors (if I had been unconscious, I felt as if my body was having a seizure), severe pain and nausea in my diaphragm and chest, and felt very short of breath. Now, being a medic and having had experience also working in ERs, I would have to be dying before I went into one. I never want to be known as the patient who always goes into the ER for something small and insignificant. But by this time, I was desperate and didnt know what else to do. So off to the ER we went, that was a definite first for me! The last time I had been an ER patient, I was 1 years old for febrile seizures. I will try to summarize my night there, overall I was not impressed with the care I recieved, but was too weak and sick to voice my opinion. I had to request medication for my nausea, my migraine, and a bag of fluid before they discharged me, it was like pulling teeth to get any care! The physical assessment by the dr was pathetic, he barely touched me, I do better and much more thorough physical exams and questioning out in the field as a medic. But I was able to get some relief from pain and nausea and we were sent home. Of course having to explain my med list and history was difficult in itself. Once you have any sort of mental history like depression or anxiety, and they see meds on your list like prozac, ativan, ambien... you might as well stamp "mental case/psycho" on your forehead, because that is all they focus on for the rest of the visit (total tunnel vision)... no joke! it's horrible. If I could have voiced my thoughts I would have yelled out "I'm not feeling depressed! I'm not having a panic attack! I haven't even taken my ativan in days! it's not mental!!!!" Then of course, trying to explain that you are being treated for Lyme disease is also another hard concept for the doctors and nurses to grasp, you might as well have said you were an alien from outerspace. It's really comforting when the nurse tells you that the doctor is doing "research" at the moment before he treats you, which basically means he's probably googling or looking on Web MD at Lyme disease... seriously, no joke. I've actually had a dr do that right in front of me during an office visit, it really gives you so much more trust and confidence in the person that is treating you! So that night we arrived home around midnight and still feeling aweful, I just laid in bed as still as possible all night long unable to get myself to eat or drink anything. This continued through the next day and another night. I had moments where I was able to take sips and able to eat ice chips. I was able to talk with my mom on the phone for a while, which hearing her voice was comforting. My sister who lives nearby, stopped in and visited with me in bed, that was a good distraction for a few hours. But my time was mostly spent with the window open, fan blowing on me, cool clothe on my head and laying as still as possible trying not to vomit, but at the same time getting so desperate I was hoping to just get it over with. We had contacted my Lyme doctor and I had an appointment with his office on wednesday afternoon for IV glutathione (which is used in severe cases to help clear out the liver and body of toxins created by the bacteria dying off).
Wednesday morning, I was so dehydrated, my lips were cracking, I could barely swallow liquid without choking, my body tremors continued to be severe, and I felt as if I was going to be unconscious soon. I was able to wisper to Jordon "call ambulance now", so he did. That was another first... having EMTs arrive at my house and take a ride in as a patient on the ambulance. I couldn't take full breathes of air, my body felt iike it was going into shock and so weak that the movement of lifting my chest up and down was becoming too difficult. I was scared, I had never felt so physically ill in my entire life, and I've been quite sick alot over the years. So back to the ER I went, the doc I saw on wednesday morning was more thorough in her exam of me and tested everything to make sure my liver, pancreas, kidneys, etc were all working ok (my liver enzymes had been very high on friday's dr appointment). She gave me zofran for nausea, but I told her I'd been on zofran for over 24 hours and it wasn't helping, so I got a shot of phenergan and benedryl to also help. She gave me toradol and imitrex to help my migraine and I was given 2L of fluid before being released. I was instructed to go straight to the Dr's office "do no pass go, do not collect $200" as the nurse put it. So off we went into the city to see my dr. I was wheeled into his office and looking pale, green, shaking uncontrollably, hardly able to hold myself or my head/eyes up, unshowered for 3 or 4 days, hair probably in all different odd directions, I must have looked like a beauty! He took one look at me and thankfully had just had a cancellation and his other patient was late, so he took me back right away to talk with me, my husband and my mother in-law. Oh and a special shout out before I forget to my sister and niece, my sister made it to the ER to be with me and my husband and my niece and mother in-law played with my son in the waiting area for the few hours we were there. And they took him home for the rest of the day to play while I was being cared for at the Dr's. Thank goodness for family!!! Back to my doctor, he looked at me and said that the good thing is that he's now 100% sure I have Lyme disease and that this is a true severe die off (herxheimer) reaction to the antibiotics, the bad news... I have Lyme disease. He told me that I am one of his worst cases he's seen in his clinic over the years and very graciously wrote me prescriptions for some heavy duty meds to help with nausea, pain, sleep, all to try and keep me comfortable through this part of it all. He also decreased the amount of antibiotics and said he felt that we needed to go much slower and more careful with me. He joked "aren't you glad I didn't hit you all at once with a pic line and IV antibiotics?" I said "yes I'm glad, and I'd laugh with you but I'm too tired right now". Then we made plans for me to come in twice a week for IV glutathione to help my body not have such a severe die off reaction. He was even willing to send me home with IV equipment in case I needed more fluids (since I can start my own IVs or coach my mother in-law who's an RN how to do it too). He gave me his peronal cell # and told us to call day or night no matter what time if I needed anything or felt like I was in need of going back to the ER. As I've now found out, the ER had no idea what to do with me, the nurse even had to ask "how do you spell Lyme?" oh great, that sure made me feel warm and fuzzy!
I am happy to report that the last few days I've been able to drink and eat again, and the meds I'm on are strong enough that I have been able to sleep mostly through the night! It's been a complete and total miracle. I am falling in love with my in-laws deep bath tub, taking many warm baths to soothe my sore muscles and joints (which had become even more painful from all the tremors/clenching for days). At the moment while I type this, my hands are at least steady enough to be able to type! yay! so big progress since the beginning of last week. I'm sad that my husbands vacation from work was spent caring for me 24 hours a day, but am extremely grateful he was here to be by my side, having him here was a HUGE comfort for me.
I know my son has been very worried aboug his mommy, he's spent a few times holding my hand while I'm in severe pain, and even praying for me (he's 4). His smiles, giggles, little hand in mine and his prayers are so comforting for me. But at the same time, I'm sad that he's had to see his mommy so sick, and I hope it's a memory that will fade for him over time. I am so deeply grateful for my faith and testimony of God, of my Savior Jesus Christ and the healing power of the Priesthood. I was able to recieve a few blessings this week from my husband and father in-law. I spent many moments throughout this week praying hard in my mind to my heavenly father to give me strength to get through this time. I look back at previous trials I've been through and know that without those other trials preparing me, I wouldn't have been able to get through this week. I keep praying and hoping that this is the worst of it and that I'll be on the mend sooner than later, but if there is still more to come, at least I know that I have a strong support system of God, family and my doctor who care for me and can help me through it all. During my darkest moments I cling to God and remind myself I'm not alone, he is there for me and he has been through and felt all I am feeling. With all that I've felt this week, I am truly unable to comprehend the pain he went through for the world in Gethsemane and being crucified on the cross for us all. Words cannot express my gratitude or my deep love for Him. But His words in the scriptures, His example, words from our living Prophet and Apostles today and beautiful soothing church music help keep me calm when I need it most.
I am sure I have much more I could say about this last week, but i'm tired and needing another nap, so I'll just leave this as is for now. For my friends and family reading this, please do research on Chronic Lyme Disease (beyond web MD, CDC, Wikipedia, etc), most of the mainstream doctors don't believe in it, which is truly sad and frustrating! So I am determined to spread the word and learn more about this debilitating disease myself, since I still don't know much about it. It's been a huge eye opening experience for me so far.
A few quotes that have gotten me through this week: "You don't ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
and from Henry B Eyring "If the foundation of Faith is not embedded in our hearts, then the power to endure will crumble" (From his talk "Mountains to Climb").
My husband flew in saturday for a week stay and we were able to take a night out away from everyone and spend time together. We had borrowed a wheelchair from friends so he could push me around the city so I wouldn't be so exhausted. I had never thought at my young age that my life would have to resort to being pushed in a wheelchair. I really had to suck up my pride, but in the end it was nice to get out, get some fresh air and not be exhausted after only a few minutes of being outside.
By Sunday evening (about 48 hours after starting on antibiotics), my symptoms were worsening. My tremors were turning into full body tremors, full body weakness, increased nausea, headaches, and just general pain. I wasn't sleeping much, and remember waking up early monday morning to stabbing chest pain that went straight through to my back and all I could do was shallow breath until it calmed down and I was able to relax a bit. By Tuesday, I was so shaky and weak, my husband had to feed me food because I couldn't do it myself. My brain/cognitive function was becoming more and more foggy and I had inceased symptoms of what felt like the flu, but much much worse (body aches, hot/cold, weakness, nausea, etc). At dinner time tuesday evening, I had a hard wave of nausea hit me while sitting at the table and I got up to go lie down on the couch in the front room. I almost passed out on the way there, luckily being able to catch myself before I fell and then laid on the couch for quite a while, the whole time praying I wouldn't vomit on my mother in-laws beautiful white carpet or beautiful front room couch. Eventually my husband helped me upstairs to lie in bed, but by that point I was having severe body tremors (if I had been unconscious, I felt as if my body was having a seizure), severe pain and nausea in my diaphragm and chest, and felt very short of breath. Now, being a medic and having had experience also working in ERs, I would have to be dying before I went into one. I never want to be known as the patient who always goes into the ER for something small and insignificant. But by this time, I was desperate and didnt know what else to do. So off to the ER we went, that was a definite first for me! The last time I had been an ER patient, I was 1 years old for febrile seizures. I will try to summarize my night there, overall I was not impressed with the care I recieved, but was too weak and sick to voice my opinion. I had to request medication for my nausea, my migraine, and a bag of fluid before they discharged me, it was like pulling teeth to get any care! The physical assessment by the dr was pathetic, he barely touched me, I do better and much more thorough physical exams and questioning out in the field as a medic. But I was able to get some relief from pain and nausea and we were sent home. Of course having to explain my med list and history was difficult in itself. Once you have any sort of mental history like depression or anxiety, and they see meds on your list like prozac, ativan, ambien... you might as well stamp "mental case/psycho" on your forehead, because that is all they focus on for the rest of the visit (total tunnel vision)... no joke! it's horrible. If I could have voiced my thoughts I would have yelled out "I'm not feeling depressed! I'm not having a panic attack! I haven't even taken my ativan in days! it's not mental!!!!" Then of course, trying to explain that you are being treated for Lyme disease is also another hard concept for the doctors and nurses to grasp, you might as well have said you were an alien from outerspace. It's really comforting when the nurse tells you that the doctor is doing "research" at the moment before he treats you, which basically means he's probably googling or looking on Web MD at Lyme disease... seriously, no joke. I've actually had a dr do that right in front of me during an office visit, it really gives you so much more trust and confidence in the person that is treating you! So that night we arrived home around midnight and still feeling aweful, I just laid in bed as still as possible all night long unable to get myself to eat or drink anything. This continued through the next day and another night. I had moments where I was able to take sips and able to eat ice chips. I was able to talk with my mom on the phone for a while, which hearing her voice was comforting. My sister who lives nearby, stopped in and visited with me in bed, that was a good distraction for a few hours. But my time was mostly spent with the window open, fan blowing on me, cool clothe on my head and laying as still as possible trying not to vomit, but at the same time getting so desperate I was hoping to just get it over with. We had contacted my Lyme doctor and I had an appointment with his office on wednesday afternoon for IV glutathione (which is used in severe cases to help clear out the liver and body of toxins created by the bacteria dying off).
Wednesday morning, I was so dehydrated, my lips were cracking, I could barely swallow liquid without choking, my body tremors continued to be severe, and I felt as if I was going to be unconscious soon. I was able to wisper to Jordon "call ambulance now", so he did. That was another first... having EMTs arrive at my house and take a ride in as a patient on the ambulance. I couldn't take full breathes of air, my body felt iike it was going into shock and so weak that the movement of lifting my chest up and down was becoming too difficult. I was scared, I had never felt so physically ill in my entire life, and I've been quite sick alot over the years. So back to the ER I went, the doc I saw on wednesday morning was more thorough in her exam of me and tested everything to make sure my liver, pancreas, kidneys, etc were all working ok (my liver enzymes had been very high on friday's dr appointment). She gave me zofran for nausea, but I told her I'd been on zofran for over 24 hours and it wasn't helping, so I got a shot of phenergan and benedryl to also help. She gave me toradol and imitrex to help my migraine and I was given 2L of fluid before being released. I was instructed to go straight to the Dr's office "do no pass go, do not collect $200" as the nurse put it. So off we went into the city to see my dr. I was wheeled into his office and looking pale, green, shaking uncontrollably, hardly able to hold myself or my head/eyes up, unshowered for 3 or 4 days, hair probably in all different odd directions, I must have looked like a beauty! He took one look at me and thankfully had just had a cancellation and his other patient was late, so he took me back right away to talk with me, my husband and my mother in-law. Oh and a special shout out before I forget to my sister and niece, my sister made it to the ER to be with me and my husband and my niece and mother in-law played with my son in the waiting area for the few hours we were there. And they took him home for the rest of the day to play while I was being cared for at the Dr's. Thank goodness for family!!! Back to my doctor, he looked at me and said that the good thing is that he's now 100% sure I have Lyme disease and that this is a true severe die off (herxheimer) reaction to the antibiotics, the bad news... I have Lyme disease. He told me that I am one of his worst cases he's seen in his clinic over the years and very graciously wrote me prescriptions for some heavy duty meds to help with nausea, pain, sleep, all to try and keep me comfortable through this part of it all. He also decreased the amount of antibiotics and said he felt that we needed to go much slower and more careful with me. He joked "aren't you glad I didn't hit you all at once with a pic line and IV antibiotics?" I said "yes I'm glad, and I'd laugh with you but I'm too tired right now". Then we made plans for me to come in twice a week for IV glutathione to help my body not have such a severe die off reaction. He was even willing to send me home with IV equipment in case I needed more fluids (since I can start my own IVs or coach my mother in-law who's an RN how to do it too). He gave me his peronal cell # and told us to call day or night no matter what time if I needed anything or felt like I was in need of going back to the ER. As I've now found out, the ER had no idea what to do with me, the nurse even had to ask "how do you spell Lyme?" oh great, that sure made me feel warm and fuzzy!
I am happy to report that the last few days I've been able to drink and eat again, and the meds I'm on are strong enough that I have been able to sleep mostly through the night! It's been a complete and total miracle. I am falling in love with my in-laws deep bath tub, taking many warm baths to soothe my sore muscles and joints (which had become even more painful from all the tremors/clenching for days). At the moment while I type this, my hands are at least steady enough to be able to type! yay! so big progress since the beginning of last week. I'm sad that my husbands vacation from work was spent caring for me 24 hours a day, but am extremely grateful he was here to be by my side, having him here was a HUGE comfort for me.
I know my son has been very worried aboug his mommy, he's spent a few times holding my hand while I'm in severe pain, and even praying for me (he's 4). His smiles, giggles, little hand in mine and his prayers are so comforting for me. But at the same time, I'm sad that he's had to see his mommy so sick, and I hope it's a memory that will fade for him over time. I am so deeply grateful for my faith and testimony of God, of my Savior Jesus Christ and the healing power of the Priesthood. I was able to recieve a few blessings this week from my husband and father in-law. I spent many moments throughout this week praying hard in my mind to my heavenly father to give me strength to get through this time. I look back at previous trials I've been through and know that without those other trials preparing me, I wouldn't have been able to get through this week. I keep praying and hoping that this is the worst of it and that I'll be on the mend sooner than later, but if there is still more to come, at least I know that I have a strong support system of God, family and my doctor who care for me and can help me through it all. During my darkest moments I cling to God and remind myself I'm not alone, he is there for me and he has been through and felt all I am feeling. With all that I've felt this week, I am truly unable to comprehend the pain he went through for the world in Gethsemane and being crucified on the cross for us all. Words cannot express my gratitude or my deep love for Him. But His words in the scriptures, His example, words from our living Prophet and Apostles today and beautiful soothing church music help keep me calm when I need it most.
I am sure I have much more I could say about this last week, but i'm tired and needing another nap, so I'll just leave this as is for now. For my friends and family reading this, please do research on Chronic Lyme Disease (beyond web MD, CDC, Wikipedia, etc), most of the mainstream doctors don't believe in it, which is truly sad and frustrating! So I am determined to spread the word and learn more about this debilitating disease myself, since I still don't know much about it. It's been a huge eye opening experience for me so far.
A few quotes that have gotten me through this week: "You don't ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
and from Henry B Eyring "If the foundation of Faith is not embedded in our hearts, then the power to endure will crumble" (From his talk "Mountains to Climb").
Monday, March 11, 2013
Sleep Studies and Learning about Lyme Disease
What is a sleep study like? well I can tell you because I've now had two done. You usually are in a room similar to a hotel, but with cameras and microphones and alot of wires. The technician wires you up to the point that you feel like one of the Borg from Star Trek (for all you trekkies out there). There's wires that hook to your legs, to your chest, to your face, and to your scalp. Then there is a strap that goes around your abdomen and then another around your chest. Its really uncomfortable when you get down to it. Then you are supposed to go to sleep like normal and they monitor your brain waves, breathing, and also watch you sleep to determine if you have a sleep disorder. My test results came back as mild apnea, but with my symptoms being so bad the dr has decided to put me on a cpap machine to see if it helps my insomnia. So the second study was a titration study where I was not only wired, but then I had to try multiple face masks till I found one that was "comfortable" (which no face mask is truly ever comfortable for sleep), and then I slept with a cpap machine all night. Or I should say I "tried" to sleep all night, I don't feel like I really did. But I have a follow up appointment with the sleep dr soon to go over results.
I recently learned from one of my blood tests that I might have lyme disease, that's right, it's not for sure, it's "indifinitive, leaning towards weakly positive". I have an appointment with the Dr on Friday to discuss it all. When I first heard this I thought "no, he's waisting his time testing me for this, I don't have lyme, I was never bit by a tick and I haven't been to the East coast since I was 7". But I decided to do more research on Lyme disease, beyond the definition of the CDC or NIH, and oh my gosh my eyes have been opened to a whole new epidemic out there in the world. Not only were the patient stories eerily similar to my own, but there is just so much controversy about whether Lyme exists beyond just the first few months of a bite. What I've found is that yes it does exist, the bacteria (a Spirochete for those who remember microbiology) can lie dormant for months or even years. It can hide from the bodies immune system and also from antibiotics. It can burrow it's way into every area of the body (similar to syphilis) and cause a multitude of symptoms. Lyme exists not just on the east coast of the US, but in all 50 states, and you can be bit by a tick, misquitoe, or even a flea infected with the bacterium. Scary huh? I watched a documentary online called "Under our Skin" and it was even more eye opening into the world of Chronic Lyme Disease. My mother in-law watched it and said "I pray you don't have it" and I thought to myself, I am not praying that I DO have it, but I'm also not praying I DON'T have it either, I am praying that this could be part of the answer I am looking for. It's hard not to feel excited and hopeful that I've found what is wrong, I don't want to go into another dr appointment and hear "Your tests came back normal, there's nothing wrong with you". I will just break down and cry if that happens again. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of silently suffering and not knowing what is causing it. I want a name, a diagnosis, and hope that my suffering will be eased. I am not asking for it to be completely taken away and healed (though that would be wonderful), I am willing to endure life with a chronic illness, but when it inhibits me from being able to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend, I can't handle that. Some days I see improvement, I feel that I have more energy and mental clarity. Then I have days where I am bedridden and have a migraine with searing pain from my eye down to my jaw and then to the back of my neck, a day where I have momentary blackouts and lose my balance and coordination and can barily pick up a fork or spoon to feed myself without spilling it all over my shirt. I mean, that is not normal! and yet I have had doctors tell me that it's psychosomatic (or in other words, all in my head)... they apparently have never suffered anything near this before in their own life or they'd never say that to a patient. I can feel so angry sometimes with the medical community that I have actually worked with for years. I haven't mentioned that part about myself yet. The part of my life when I worked in medicine. I will get to that another day. But for now, my thoughts are resting on Lyme at the moment. I am not saying I have it, but I'm not counting it out quite yet. Either way, it's been another eye opening learning experience for me, and I anxiouly await my friday appointment with the doctor and pray for answers.
A special thank you to all those who have been praying for me, I truly appreciate it. And to all who have read my blog, thank you! It makes me want to keep writing.
I recently learned from one of my blood tests that I might have lyme disease, that's right, it's not for sure, it's "indifinitive, leaning towards weakly positive". I have an appointment with the Dr on Friday to discuss it all. When I first heard this I thought "no, he's waisting his time testing me for this, I don't have lyme, I was never bit by a tick and I haven't been to the East coast since I was 7". But I decided to do more research on Lyme disease, beyond the definition of the CDC or NIH, and oh my gosh my eyes have been opened to a whole new epidemic out there in the world. Not only were the patient stories eerily similar to my own, but there is just so much controversy about whether Lyme exists beyond just the first few months of a bite. What I've found is that yes it does exist, the bacteria (a Spirochete for those who remember microbiology) can lie dormant for months or even years. It can hide from the bodies immune system and also from antibiotics. It can burrow it's way into every area of the body (similar to syphilis) and cause a multitude of symptoms. Lyme exists not just on the east coast of the US, but in all 50 states, and you can be bit by a tick, misquitoe, or even a flea infected with the bacterium. Scary huh? I watched a documentary online called "Under our Skin" and it was even more eye opening into the world of Chronic Lyme Disease. My mother in-law watched it and said "I pray you don't have it" and I thought to myself, I am not praying that I DO have it, but I'm also not praying I DON'T have it either, I am praying that this could be part of the answer I am looking for. It's hard not to feel excited and hopeful that I've found what is wrong, I don't want to go into another dr appointment and hear "Your tests came back normal, there's nothing wrong with you". I will just break down and cry if that happens again. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of silently suffering and not knowing what is causing it. I want a name, a diagnosis, and hope that my suffering will be eased. I am not asking for it to be completely taken away and healed (though that would be wonderful), I am willing to endure life with a chronic illness, but when it inhibits me from being able to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend, I can't handle that. Some days I see improvement, I feel that I have more energy and mental clarity. Then I have days where I am bedridden and have a migraine with searing pain from my eye down to my jaw and then to the back of my neck, a day where I have momentary blackouts and lose my balance and coordination and can barily pick up a fork or spoon to feed myself without spilling it all over my shirt. I mean, that is not normal! and yet I have had doctors tell me that it's psychosomatic (or in other words, all in my head)... they apparently have never suffered anything near this before in their own life or they'd never say that to a patient. I can feel so angry sometimes with the medical community that I have actually worked with for years. I haven't mentioned that part about myself yet. The part of my life when I worked in medicine. I will get to that another day. But for now, my thoughts are resting on Lyme at the moment. I am not saying I have it, but I'm not counting it out quite yet. Either way, it's been another eye opening learning experience for me, and I anxiouly await my friday appointment with the doctor and pray for answers.
A special thank you to all those who have been praying for me, I truly appreciate it. And to all who have read my blog, thank you! It makes me want to keep writing.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Sundays
I love Sundays, I am a spiritual person who loves God and it's the day I go to church to worship. Unfortunately it's also a day I dread because it's a day when I have to dress myself up, make myself look nice, and put on "the face". Don't know what that is? Well let me tell you, "the face" is what you put on to show everyone around you that you are doing good and nothing is wrong. I have mastered this like an art. Which is why when I admit that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, or deal with many physical difficulties, people always say "really? I had no idea! You always look like you are doing great". I also think it's a woman thing, we all master putting on "the face". This is especially true in todays world of Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Blogs, etc. You can pick and choose what to show and we all want to show our best side of ourselves, right? But you know what this creates? It creates a fake world of perfect people and deep down we all feel like horrible failures because Sally (just using a random name) has five children and she makes homemade meals everyday along with keeping up on all the chores, oh and did I mention that she showers, does her hair all nice and pretty, puts on makeup and keeps up a personal business on the side of all that? So those of us that see this think "oh I totally suck because I can hardly drag myself out of bed and get my son a bowl of cereal". So this is yet another reason for this blog, to be real and show you that we are not perfect.
Back to talking about Sundays, church for me is a 3 hour ordeal that I used to enjoy and I still want to enjoy. But currently just showering and getting myself ready for church is so tiring, I'm usually ready for a nap after my shower. The first hour of church is spent wrestling my son and trying to help him be reverent and quiet, along with putting on "the face". By the end of an hour, my back is killing me (I have scoliosis in my back and arthritis in my neck), and my body feels so tired from holding myself up in a sitting position for that long. I have struggled for years with sitting or standing for too long and not being able to move positions. By the second hour my head starts to hurt, usually from anxiety and my neck ache and bad posture from not being able to hold myself up straight (along with low blood sugar from not eating or drinking much). Lately, with the help of my mother in-law, I now carry water and a snack for emergencies wherever I go. I'm still trying to figure out when I should eat and drink to keep the headache at bay, so far it's usually too late before I figure out my blood sugar is low and i'm feeling cranky, more anxious and have a killer headache. So by hour 3, I am seriously ready to just lay across the back row of chairs, or if I was home, walk across the street to my house and lay in bed. Last sunday it was going out to the car and laying reclined in the front seat for the last 2 hours of church. When I am able to make it all 3 hours, I usually come home with my body feeling shaky (I don't wear heels as often as I'd like anymore), my legs feeling like jelly, my head hurting and I go lay in bed for the rest of the day/night trying to recover.
So next time you see someone out and about looking like they have it all together, remember we all have our own personal problems and issues. Try not to judge and certainly try not to compare yourself to the person sitting next to you. Comparison is a huge struggle of mine that I hope I can stop doing. It may take me a lifetime to master.
Back to talking about Sundays, church for me is a 3 hour ordeal that I used to enjoy and I still want to enjoy. But currently just showering and getting myself ready for church is so tiring, I'm usually ready for a nap after my shower. The first hour of church is spent wrestling my son and trying to help him be reverent and quiet, along with putting on "the face". By the end of an hour, my back is killing me (I have scoliosis in my back and arthritis in my neck), and my body feels so tired from holding myself up in a sitting position for that long. I have struggled for years with sitting or standing for too long and not being able to move positions. By the second hour my head starts to hurt, usually from anxiety and my neck ache and bad posture from not being able to hold myself up straight (along with low blood sugar from not eating or drinking much). Lately, with the help of my mother in-law, I now carry water and a snack for emergencies wherever I go. I'm still trying to figure out when I should eat and drink to keep the headache at bay, so far it's usually too late before I figure out my blood sugar is low and i'm feeling cranky, more anxious and have a killer headache. So by hour 3, I am seriously ready to just lay across the back row of chairs, or if I was home, walk across the street to my house and lay in bed. Last sunday it was going out to the car and laying reclined in the front seat for the last 2 hours of church. When I am able to make it all 3 hours, I usually come home with my body feeling shaky (I don't wear heels as often as I'd like anymore), my legs feeling like jelly, my head hurting and I go lay in bed for the rest of the day/night trying to recover.
So next time you see someone out and about looking like they have it all together, remember we all have our own personal problems and issues. Try not to judge and certainly try not to compare yourself to the person sitting next to you. Comparison is a huge struggle of mine that I hope I can stop doing. It may take me a lifetime to master.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
History
Ok, so here we go, post #2. I am going to try to summarize the last 4 years of background history of my medical problems. First off, I had my son in 2008, the birth didn't go as expected and I hardly slept (though I didn't realize it yet). I had fatigue and severe vaginal pain for months, I had torn my inner labia (which is very unusual, most women tear the tissue between the vagina and anus. After months of pain, I saw my OB and basically he told me that the pain was all in my head and I was given lidocaine to use before intimacy to numb the area. 5 months after birth I had the dr do a vaginal inspection and they found that in the vaginal canal, I still had a piece of hymen tissue that was twisted and it was being cut off from getting blood supply, so that was surgically removed. More pain for a few months and then finally mostly pain free after 7 months postpartum. But by then I had become severely depressed and couldn't function. I saw a dr who prescribed me an antidepressant and sleep medication. I realized at that time I had not been sleeping. My son would wake up for feedings every 2 hours, I'd put him down and go lay back down, but was unable to fall asleep for about an hour. So, all in all I was getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night and not all at once. I had to stop breastfeeding because of all the medications I was put on to sedate me enough to be able to sleep. I truly believe that my lack of sleep caused me to spiral into severe depression. I have learned that sleep is so important for the body and mind to function properly. I saw a counselor and psychiatrist and tried more medications. I had my mother and mother in-law helping me until I could get back on my feet.
The next 4 years of life was like a roller coaster ride, I'd have months where I was able to be up and getting things done and exercising, and I'd have months of depression/anxiety and severe fatigue and would need help from family again time after time. I continued to see Dr's and specialists who would ultimately just hand me yet another prescription to try. By summer 2012, I was doing worse and my dr referred me on to have ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy- basically shock the brain and cause a seizure). It's known to be a last resort type of treatment, but very effective for depression. I was also put on a "last resort" type of antidepressant and gained about 40 lbs in 5 months... which is really not helpful for the self esteem.
Sept 2012: I headed off with my son to another state where I could stay with my parents while having ECT treatment. The treatment was supposed to be 2-3 weeks, but I wasn't responding as well as the Doctor hoped, so we continued treatments. The Dr and nurses there were so kind, I would come in and be put under anesthesia before the procedure was done. I was given many pain medications to help control the excruciating headache I'd have afterwards. In all, I did ECT for 10 weeks. During that time I had the help of family taking care of me and my son, and my husband would drive to see us on the weekends. ECT causes amnesia, so I don't remember the months of treatment. It has also wiped out the entire last 12 months (all of 2012). This made things really difficult when I came home and couldn't remember neighbors and friends I'd met at church or work. My short term memory was horrible for the first few months and even now, 4 months later, I still struggle with short term memory from time to time and continue to not remember all of 2012. I believe ECT was effective and helpful for depression, though I don't feel it worked as it should have.
After the holidays, I was continuing to feel so tired all the time. The word "fatigue" just doesn't nearly describe or do justice to how I feel. I was in bed most of the day, feeling short of breath while walking from my bed to the bathroom, having constant flu like symptoms and just all in all feeling so miserable every day. I literally felt like I was slowly, painfully dying from the inside out. I could barely handle taking care of my son's basic needs and my own. By February I talked to my mother in-law and we (my husband and I) decided that my son and I would go live with my in-laws for an undetermined amount of time in another state that has more health resources and we'd try to find answers to my problems.
So this is where I'm at. After 4 years of Drs, many different possible diagnosis's and trying nearly 30 different antidepressants (that either didn't work or had too many side effects), many different sleep meds, and anxiety meds, I am here being cared for by my family while we try to find answers. It's difficult being away from my husband this long, we are too far away for him to just drive out on the weekends. He is my rock, my best friend and greatest support in all of my struggles. So not having him physically near me has been hard. But my son is loving his Grammy and Papa's house and all the great things he gets to help with and exciting adventures, so that was been wonderful to watch from the sidelines.
So far on this trip, I am seeing a Dr who specializes in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other disorders, I have seen a sleep Dr and had a study done overnight, I'm seeing a chiropractor for my back and neck problems, trying acupuncture, and doing an overhaul on my diet. I am on many supplements and medications to kill off Candida Albicans (yeast) from my gut. I'm playing the waiting game right now, waiting for blood test results and sleep study results to come back. It's hard not to feel discouraged and I feel as if I'm gearing myself up to be ready for disappointment because that is how things have been for so long when it comes to test results. For once, I am praying a Dr will be able to tell me what is truly wrong with my body. But for now I continue to push forward living one day at a time, and everyday is different. I lay on my bed or on the couch and look out at the beautiful trees wishing so much that I could go for a walk on the back trail behind the house or go for a bike ride or go running, but I can't. Those things cause me to literally crash and burn for days afterwards if I tried to do them right now. I talked with my husband about this and I thought people don't know how lucky they are to be able to go for a walk, bike ride, run, hike, go shopping at the mall all day, play with their kids, cook and clean and enjoy their working bodies. I have complete new respect for those who are bedridden, unable to walk or move their bodies. I just continue to pray that this is short term and I will be able to get back on my feet again soon, and I will not take my body for granted again. I am so grateful to have a strong support system in my family, I am extremely blessed by this and know that there are many out there who do not have such great support.
To my family who get this by email, feel free to check out my first post on the blog also. I wasn't able to get it emailed to everyone on my list.
To all those reading this blog, I am sorry if I repeat things I've already written or have forgotten to say something important, I not only have memory issues, but major brain fog!
The next 4 years of life was like a roller coaster ride, I'd have months where I was able to be up and getting things done and exercising, and I'd have months of depression/anxiety and severe fatigue and would need help from family again time after time. I continued to see Dr's and specialists who would ultimately just hand me yet another prescription to try. By summer 2012, I was doing worse and my dr referred me on to have ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy- basically shock the brain and cause a seizure). It's known to be a last resort type of treatment, but very effective for depression. I was also put on a "last resort" type of antidepressant and gained about 40 lbs in 5 months... which is really not helpful for the self esteem.
Sept 2012: I headed off with my son to another state where I could stay with my parents while having ECT treatment. The treatment was supposed to be 2-3 weeks, but I wasn't responding as well as the Doctor hoped, so we continued treatments. The Dr and nurses there were so kind, I would come in and be put under anesthesia before the procedure was done. I was given many pain medications to help control the excruciating headache I'd have afterwards. In all, I did ECT for 10 weeks. During that time I had the help of family taking care of me and my son, and my husband would drive to see us on the weekends. ECT causes amnesia, so I don't remember the months of treatment. It has also wiped out the entire last 12 months (all of 2012). This made things really difficult when I came home and couldn't remember neighbors and friends I'd met at church or work. My short term memory was horrible for the first few months and even now, 4 months later, I still struggle with short term memory from time to time and continue to not remember all of 2012. I believe ECT was effective and helpful for depression, though I don't feel it worked as it should have.
After the holidays, I was continuing to feel so tired all the time. The word "fatigue" just doesn't nearly describe or do justice to how I feel. I was in bed most of the day, feeling short of breath while walking from my bed to the bathroom, having constant flu like symptoms and just all in all feeling so miserable every day. I literally felt like I was slowly, painfully dying from the inside out. I could barely handle taking care of my son's basic needs and my own. By February I talked to my mother in-law and we (my husband and I) decided that my son and I would go live with my in-laws for an undetermined amount of time in another state that has more health resources and we'd try to find answers to my problems.
So this is where I'm at. After 4 years of Drs, many different possible diagnosis's and trying nearly 30 different antidepressants (that either didn't work or had too many side effects), many different sleep meds, and anxiety meds, I am here being cared for by my family while we try to find answers. It's difficult being away from my husband this long, we are too far away for him to just drive out on the weekends. He is my rock, my best friend and greatest support in all of my struggles. So not having him physically near me has been hard. But my son is loving his Grammy and Papa's house and all the great things he gets to help with and exciting adventures, so that was been wonderful to watch from the sidelines.
So far on this trip, I am seeing a Dr who specializes in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other disorders, I have seen a sleep Dr and had a study done overnight, I'm seeing a chiropractor for my back and neck problems, trying acupuncture, and doing an overhaul on my diet. I am on many supplements and medications to kill off Candida Albicans (yeast) from my gut. I'm playing the waiting game right now, waiting for blood test results and sleep study results to come back. It's hard not to feel discouraged and I feel as if I'm gearing myself up to be ready for disappointment because that is how things have been for so long when it comes to test results. For once, I am praying a Dr will be able to tell me what is truly wrong with my body. But for now I continue to push forward living one day at a time, and everyday is different. I lay on my bed or on the couch and look out at the beautiful trees wishing so much that I could go for a walk on the back trail behind the house or go for a bike ride or go running, but I can't. Those things cause me to literally crash and burn for days afterwards if I tried to do them right now. I talked with my husband about this and I thought people don't know how lucky they are to be able to go for a walk, bike ride, run, hike, go shopping at the mall all day, play with their kids, cook and clean and enjoy their working bodies. I have complete new respect for those who are bedridden, unable to walk or move their bodies. I just continue to pray that this is short term and I will be able to get back on my feet again soon, and I will not take my body for granted again. I am so grateful to have a strong support system in my family, I am extremely blessed by this and know that there are many out there who do not have such great support.
To my family who get this by email, feel free to check out my first post on the blog also. I wasn't able to get it emailed to everyone on my list.
To all those reading this blog, I am sorry if I repeat things I've already written or have forgotten to say something important, I not only have memory issues, but major brain fog!
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