Sundays

I love Sundays, I am a spiritual person who loves God and it's the day I go to church to worship. Unfortunately it's also a day I dread because it's a day when I have to dress myself up, make myself look nice, and put on "the face". Don't know what that is? Well let me tell you, "the face" is what you put on to show everyone around you that you are doing good and nothing is wrong. I have mastered this like an art. Which is why when I admit that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, or deal with many physical difficulties, people always say "really? I had no idea! You always look like you are doing great". I also think it's a woman thing, we all master putting on "the face". This is especially true in todays world of Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Blogs, etc. You can pick and choose what to show and we all want to show our best side of ourselves, right? But you know what this creates? It creates a fake world of perfect people and deep down we all feel like horrible failures because Sally (just using a random name) has five children and she makes homemade meals everyday along with keeping up on all the chores, oh and did I mention that she showers, does her hair all nice and pretty, puts on makeup and keeps up a personal business on the side of all that? So those of us that see this think "oh I totally suck because I can hardly drag myself out of bed and get my son a bowl of cereal". So this is yet another reason for this blog, to be real and show you that we are not perfect.

Back to talking about Sundays, church for me is a 3 hour ordeal that I used to enjoy and I still want to enjoy. But currently just showering and getting myself ready for church is so tiring, I'm usually ready for a nap after my shower. The first hour of church is spent wrestling my son and trying to help him be reverent and quiet, along with putting on "the face". By the end of an hour, my back is killing me (I have scoliosis in my back and arthritis in my neck), and my body feels so tired from holding myself up in a sitting position for that long. I have struggled for years with sitting or standing for too long and not being able to move positions. By the second hour my head starts to hurt, usually from anxiety and my neck ache and bad posture from not being able to hold myself up straight (along with low blood sugar from not eating or drinking much). Lately, with the help of my mother in-law, I now carry water and a snack for emergencies wherever I go. I'm still trying to figure out when I should eat and drink to keep the headache at bay, so far it's usually too late before I figure out my blood sugar is low and i'm feeling cranky, more anxious and have a killer headache. So by hour 3, I am seriously ready to just lay across the back row of chairs, or if I was home, walk across the street to my house and lay in bed. Last sunday it was going out to the car and laying reclined in the front seat for the last 2 hours of church. When I am able to make it all 3 hours, I usually come home with my body feeling shaky (I don't wear heels as often as I'd like anymore), my legs feeling like jelly, my head hurting and I go lay in bed for the rest of the day/night trying to recover.

So next time you see someone out and about looking like they have it all together, remember we all have our own personal problems and issues. Try not to judge and certainly try not to compare yourself to the person sitting next to you. Comparison is a huge struggle of mine that I hope I can stop doing. It may take me a lifetime to master.