History

Ok, so here we go, post #2. I am going to try to summarize the last 4 years of background history of my medical problems. First off, I had my son in 2008, the birth didn't go as expected and I hardly slept (though I didn't realize it yet). I had fatigue and severe vaginal pain for months, I had torn my inner labia (which is very unusual, most women tear the tissue between the vagina and anus. After months of pain, I saw my OB and basically he told me that the pain was all in my head and I was given lidocaine to use before intimacy to numb the area. 5 months after birth I had the dr do a vaginal inspection and they found that in the vaginal canal, I still had a piece of hymen tissue that was twisted and it was being cut off from getting blood supply, so that was surgically removed. More pain for a few months and then finally mostly pain free after 7 months postpartum. But by then I had become severely depressed and couldn't function. I saw a dr who prescribed me an antidepressant and sleep medication. I realized at that time I had not been sleeping. My son would wake up for feedings every 2 hours, I'd put him down and go lay back down, but was unable to fall asleep for about an hour. So, all in all I was getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night and not all at once. I had to stop breastfeeding because of all the medications I was put on to sedate me enough to be able to sleep. I truly believe that my lack of sleep caused me to spiral into severe depression. I have learned that sleep is so important for the body and mind to function properly. I saw a counselor and psychiatrist and tried more medications. I had my mother and mother in-law helping me until I could get back on my feet.

The next 4 years of life was like a roller coaster ride, I'd have months where I was able to be up and getting things done and exercising, and I'd have months of depression/anxiety and severe fatigue and would need help from family again time after time. I continued to see Dr's and specialists who would ultimately just hand me yet another prescription to try. By summer 2012, I was doing worse and my dr referred me on to have ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy- basically shock the brain and cause a seizure). It's known to be a last resort type of treatment, but very effective for depression. I was also put on a "last resort" type of antidepressant and gained about 40 lbs in 5 months... which is really not helpful for the self esteem.

Sept 2012: I headed off with my son to another state where I could stay with my parents while having ECT treatment. The treatment was supposed to be 2-3 weeks, but I wasn't responding as well as the Doctor hoped, so we continued treatments. The Dr and nurses there were so kind, I would come in and be put under anesthesia before the procedure was done. I was given many pain medications to help control the excruciating headache I'd have afterwards. In all, I did ECT for 10 weeks. During that time I had the help of family taking care of me and my son, and my husband would drive to see us on the weekends. ECT causes amnesia, so I don't remember the months of treatment. It has also wiped out the entire last 12 months (all of 2012). This made things really difficult when I came home and couldn't remember neighbors and friends I'd met at church or work. My short term memory was horrible for the first few months and even now, 4 months later, I still struggle with short term memory from time to time and continue to not remember all of 2012. I believe ECT was effective and helpful for depression, though I don't feel it worked as it should have.

After the holidays, I was continuing to feel so tired all the time. The word "fatigue" just doesn't nearly describe or do justice to how I feel. I was in bed most of the day, feeling short of breath while walking from my bed to the bathroom, having constant flu like symptoms and just all in all feeling so miserable every day. I literally felt like I was slowly, painfully dying from the inside out. I could barely handle taking care of my son's basic needs and my own. By February I talked to my mother in-law and we (my husband and I) decided that my son and I would go live with my in-laws for an undetermined amount of time in another state that has more health resources and we'd try to find answers to my problems.

So this is where I'm at. After 4 years of Drs, many different possible diagnosis's and trying nearly 30 different antidepressants (that either didn't work or had too many side effects), many different sleep meds, and anxiety meds, I am here being cared for by my family while we try to find answers. It's difficult being away from my husband this long, we are too far away for him to just drive out on the weekends. He is my rock, my best friend and greatest support in all of my struggles. So not having him physically near me has been hard. But my son is loving his Grammy and Papa's house and all the great things he gets to help with and exciting adventures, so that was been wonderful to watch from the sidelines.

So far on this trip, I am seeing a Dr who specializes in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other disorders, I have seen a sleep Dr and had a study done overnight, I'm seeing a chiropractor for my back and neck problems, trying acupuncture, and doing an overhaul on my diet. I am on many supplements and medications to kill off Candida Albicans (yeast) from my gut. I'm playing the waiting game right now, waiting for blood test results and sleep study results to come back. It's hard not to feel discouraged and I feel as if I'm gearing myself up to be ready for disappointment because that is how things have been for so long when it comes to test results. For once, I am praying a Dr will be able to tell me what is truly wrong with my body. But for now I continue to push forward living one day at a time, and everyday is different. I lay on my bed or on the couch and look out at the beautiful trees wishing so much that I could go for a walk on the back trail behind the house or go for a bike ride or go running, but I can't. Those things cause me to literally crash and burn for days afterwards if I tried to do them right now. I talked with my husband about this and I thought people don't know how lucky they are to be able to go for a walk, bike ride, run, hike, go shopping at the mall all day, play with their kids, cook and clean and enjoy their working bodies. I have complete new respect for those who are bedridden, unable to walk or move their bodies. I just continue to pray that this is short term and I will be able to get back on my feet again soon, and I will not take my body for granted again. I am so grateful to have a strong support system in my family, I am extremely blessed by this and know that there are many out there who do not have such great support.

To my family who get this by email, feel free to check out my first post on the blog also. I wasn't able to get it emailed to everyone on my list.

To all those reading this blog, I am sorry if I repeat things I've already written or have forgotten to say something important, I not only have memory issues, but major brain fog!