Still Climbing Mountains

As most of you know, I am a Christian, and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My Faith is very important to me, it is the biggest thing that keeps me grounded and stable in my life and in my trials. I know God lives, I know Jesus Christ lives and is our Savior and Redeemer, that he died for us so we can live with our Heavenly Father again after this life. I believe in life after death. I believe that we lived as spirit children before this life and that we are all children of our Heavenly Father. In my faith, we are able to receive Priesthood blessings. I have had many over the years as a child, and many during this particular trial in my life of fighting Lyme Disease. In these blessings, I have had strong feelings and words spoken to me that confirm to me that I chose this trial before I came to this earth, to my mortal life. I have had strong feelings that I may never fully recover from this disease, that it is a trial I will have to fight and overcome throughout my life. Over the past year of treatment, I have come to accept that this may be. I feel calm most of the time, full of faith and knowledge that God does not give us more than we can handle, and that we are not given trials because we have done something wrong, but that we are given trials to learn and be “polished” and prepared to help others in this life and in the next life. Now, just because I say all of this, does not mean I do not have days where I feel sad, cry in pain, and ask God why he has given this burden to me to bear. I have many of those days. But thankfully I also understand that I am not alone. My Savior Jesus Christ has felt everything I feel, he knows me better than I know myself. He is there beside me through everything. And though there are times I know he has to watch me struggle before he can help me, he is there watching and will help me when I need his grace the most. There is a poem that I love about footprints in the sand:

“One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’

The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’

-Mary Stevenson

I have had many times when I know my Savior has carried me when I could not do it alone. I am grateful for those moments because they have strengthened my love, my testimony, and my faith in Him.

During this last weekend, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints had it’s semi annual General Conference where we are given the opportunity to listen to our prophet and apostles speak to us. There are so many wonderful talks and quotes, it is always a boost for me. One talk stuck out to me by Dieter F. Uchtdorf about Gratitude. He spoke about gratitude and having it especially during times of trials and hardships. (to see this talk, go to https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2014/04?cid=HPSU040614654&lang=eng ) One thing I remember most is him saying “Be grateful no matter what!”. It can be so hard to find the silver lining in our trials, but there is always a silver lining and always blessings, big or small. I have seen blessings in my own life and my family life this past year in many ways. When we are in the depth of despair and hardship, we can go two directions, we can become angry with God, or we can have faith in Him and be grateful for our trial. The second is hard to do, but as we accept that he is giving us these trials out of love and to help us learn and become better people, it is easier to recognize the blessings he sends our way to help us through them.

As I’ve said before, I love music. One symptom of my disease that has been prominent throughout my suffering and treatment is anxiety.  A Symptom of Lyme, Bartonella and Babesiosis, as I've come to find out from my doctor. My coping strategies for it besides medication (which I do use), is music. I have many playlists on my ipod. One in particular I listen to when I feel an attack coming on. I have named it “When in Despair” and I thought I would list the songs I have on the list for those who might like to look them up, this list is full of music sung by many people who are members of my faith and the words and music are beautiful:

“Savior, Redeemer of My Soul” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“He’ll Find A Way” by Dallyn Vail Bayles

“Homeward Bound” by Jericho Road

“Come to Jesus” by Jericho Road

“Christ of Hope” by Michelle Tumes

“Testify to Love” by Jericho Road

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” by Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra on Temple Square

“Draw Me Nearer” By Meredith Andrews

“Close Enough to Touch” – Women At the Well Soundtrack

“Let His Love Reach You” by Alex Boye

“The Test” by Roger Hoffman, written by Janice Kapp Perry

“Homeward Bound” by Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square

“Come Unto Him” by John Cannan (New Testament Video Soundtrack)

“My Holy House” by Algie Powers (New Testament Video Soundtrack)

“Baptism” by Paul Cardall

“Oh Lord, My Redeemer” from “I heard him Come” – Jeff Goodrich

“Healing Waters” by Michelle Tumes

“I Heard Him Come” – Jeff Goodrich

I add to this list from time to time and have many other lists I listen to depending on my mood, but this is the one I listen to when I need to feel comforted.

I apologize if I’ve already posted this song or lyrics, blame it on my lyme brain if I have… but here is the song (from youtube) and lyrics to the song “He’ll Find a Way” sung by Dallyn Vail Bayles:

When life gets crazy and you've had enough,
and the more you search for some kind of meaning
the more you feel you're out of luck;
When your mind tries to reason and nothing adds up,
lay it all down.
Take a good look around.

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

When tears won't relieve you, when your heart feels numb
and your mind keeps repeating the painful, 
thoughtless things you've done;
And you're starting to wonder just who you've become,
believe you'll make it!
Give your worry up-
let Him take it.

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

Feel His love with each breath you're breathing.
It's as sure as your heart is beating!

His love can be seen in all directions!
His infinite peace longs to hold you every second.
From the thorns in His crown to the sunset colored clouds
He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'

He'll find a way to say 'I love you.'
He'll find a way."

And one more, my personal favorite “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need” Composed by Mack Wilberg, Sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square. (A personal history, my Mom and I played a flute duet of this song with our church choir when I was a teenager and I have loved this song ever since, I can listen to it over and over and never tire of it. The original compilation is a harp, oboe and flute, and it’s simply angelic! Everytime I listen, it calms me, and makes me want to pick my flute up and play it again, only it wouldn’t be the same without playing it together with my mom, I love you Mom!).

As Easter is upon us, I have deep reflections of my Savior Jesus Christ, and I love him more than I can express. I have such a difficult time expressing in speech, my testimony and love for him, mostly due to my anxiety and emotions. The best way I know how to do this is through written words and music. I hope this post gives comfort to someone in need today, as we are all going through our individual trials and hardships. I hope you can realize and remember that you are not alone as you have Mountains to Climb. For those reading this and wondering about the stories of Jesus Christ and his earthly ministry, you can read them in the King James Bible in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. And for those who may want to learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you can go to www.lds.org to learn more. Till next time…

(for my family who recieve this through email, if you are unable to see the videos, please go to youtube to watch).