Brave

Dreams... It's important to keep dreaming, my Dad told me recently over the phone as I gave him a list of things I'd like to eventually do when I am feeling better. I've had a few good days this week and it's been a nice reprieve from constant pain and misery. But no matter how good, I still feel prisoner to my body. I spend endless hours dreaming of the day I will be able to run, play soccer with my little boy, ride bikes with my little family, go rock climbing with my husband, finally learn to snowboard and love it! I dream about breaking free from the chains and weight that hold me down EVERY SINGLE DAY! So today when I was able to do 10 minutes of a very watered down version of zumba in my basement, I cheered. But then I yearned for more, I wanted so badly to hop on the treadmill and run, only I knew I can't right now. So my moment of excitement turned into another moment of feeling imprisoned once again. But I have dreams, and because of that, I will keep trying and keep going.

One day I will walk a 5k (hopefully sooner than later!), and then one day I will run a 5k wearing a shirt that proudly states that I am a Lyme Disease Warrior. I am proud to state that. So I will keep fighting everyday, no matter what may come.

And those that know me, know I LOVE music, so heres a favorite right now:

                                                                  "Brave"
                                                           By Josh Groban

Wake up, wake up, the sun cannot wait for long
Reach out, reach out before it fades away
You will find the warmth when you surrender
Smile into the fear and let it play

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave

Hold on, hold on so strong, time just carries on
All that you thought was wrong is pure again
You can't hide forever from the thunder
Look into the storm and feel the rain

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave

Go on, go on

You wanna run away run away
And you say that it can't be so
You wanna look away look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close
When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face what I don't understand
My reason to be brave

So all of you out there struggling with your own trials, hold on to your dreams, be brave and just keep going, one small step at a time. Till next time...

The Refiner's Fire

Today while sitting in Church, a friend shared a story that I'd like to reshare because it hit home so deeply for me. This story was shared in a talk by Linda S. Reeves called "Claim the Blessings of your covenants" http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2013/09/claim-the-blessings-of-your-covenants?lang=eng&query=provo+tabernacle+fire

"Almost three years ago a devastating fire gutted the interior of the beloved, historic tabernacle in Provo, Utah. Its loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, “Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.”

Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.

My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally."

Provo Tabernacle Fire 2010
Provo, Utah

The only thing standing was the exterior walls

Beginning to build the new temple using the old exterior walls

It will look even more beautiful like this when finished

My friend went on to say that sometimes when we are in the midst of trials it is easy to cry out to our Heavenly Father "why Lord? why me? why have you burned me?" If we look at ourselves as a temple, the Lord is refining us, and we do go through a refiners fire making us better, stronger, more prepared for what is to come. But you can also learn from this story that he see's further than we can see in our own lives. He knows what is best for us.

So today, when I feel gutted out inside from a bad week of suffering from excruciating pain, feeling low in spirit, and in body, it was a beautiful reminder that no matter how hard things get, the Lord is there with out stretched arms. 

If I were an artist, I would paint a picture depicting how I feel. I would paint a girl sitting at the steps of a burned building, her clothes tattered, torn, and soot on her face. In the corner, I would paint a beautiful depiction of the Savior with outstretched arms, reaching and bidding this girl who is tattered, torn, bruised, exhausted, and defeated to come into his loving and protective arms. 

Until next time...