My little family left for the weekend to visit family who
are camping in another State. I stayed home because I’m still not well enough
to take long drives, camp, or stay days away from home for long. I was looking
forward to the quiet weekend alone. We joked that I would “party” while they were
gone, it was a joke of course, since I have no energy to do anything more than
watch movies, read books, nap, and go walk around a favorite store on a more
energetic day. Unfortunately, I caught a cold and it turned into a nasty sinus
infection and earaches before they left. So I’ve been feeling even worse than
usual, so no “partying” for me. I’ve looked forward to bedtime every night,
just counting down the hours till I could take my sleeping medication and go to
bed. The most excitement I’ve had was my dentist appointment yesterday where I
got to enjoy laughing gas and get my teeth cleaned while watching tv. Then I went
home, took a long nap, and then spent the rest of the day watching Gilmore
Girls (the current show I’m watching on Netflix). It’s been nice and quiet here
at home, and yet it’s been oddly lonely. I find that I miss the noise my little
boy makes around the house throughout the day as he watches his favorite shows, plays with his legos and uses his creativity to build the most interesting creations out of his toys, those noises and chatter are
comforting to me knowing he is here with me and happy. I find myself thinking “what
did I do when I didn’t have a child to take care of and my husband was busy at
school during the day?”. I miss my husband coming in and out of the garage at
night after work as he continues to work on his long list of things that need
to be fixed (the list seems endless and things continue to be added to it all
the time). They are camping in an area with family that doesn’t get phone reception,
so no calling unless they head into the local town during the day, or my
husband gets reception for a brief moment while he is hiking or hunting out in
the middle of nowhere. I thought I’d enjoy this weekend to myself, and in some
ways I do. But mostly, I find myself watching the clock, counting down the days
to when they will arrive home, when I can once again be Mom, and Wife. It’s
comforting in many ways, because as of late, I tend to feel useless as I’ve
been so sick. I feel that I’m a burden to my family because I can’t contribute
the amount of work that I want to, or feel I should. I know this is not true, that in reality,
Satan is trying to find ways to break me down, and this is one of them, making me think I am useless. But I
realize that I miss the little things like the hugs and kisses I can give my
sweet little boy in the mornings before he goes to school, the spontanous hugs, kisses and "I love you mommy" that I get from him (melts me from my head to my toes!), being able to talk
to and hug my husband when he gets home from work, and being able to read and
pray with my little family before bedtime. I am finding that it’s
the little things that matter most. So what if the house looks like a
tornado blew through it all the time? So what if I haven’t showered in four
days? (gross I know, but for those who suffer from chronic illness, you know
how much energy goes into something as small as a shower, and even more energy
into washing your hair!). So what if the laundry is piled to the ceiling? So
what if there are no clean dishes? When I am overwhelmed at all of those things (which is almost ALWAYS) I remind myself to just breathe. At least my child is fed, happy and playing,
we have a nice roof over our heads to keep us warm as the weather gets cold,
food on our table each day, and my husband has a solid job that we
can rely on financially. But most of all, we have each other, we have family
who love and help us so much (I love ALL of my family, all of you! No matter
where you live! And it’s a lot of family…I LOVE having a big big family, it truly is the best),
we have love for each other, we have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives
and we have the love of the Lord in our home. So for now, I feel content and
that is enough. Life is very difficult, I can’t deny that, but I am grateful. I can’t
wait for my little family to come back on Sunday so I can kiss both my boys!
(my husband and my son). I am a very blessed woman.
I have a new favorite movie, it is called "Mom's Night Out", if you haven't seen it, watch it! It is so great! You will laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh some more, and then you will cry. It is a beautiful movie for Moms out there everywhere. I wanted to show you a favorite clip from that movie, one that just made me cry because I could relate to what was said (note: the clip is more understandable if you've seen the movie, but you will still enjoy it even if you haven't):
I have expressed to my husband many times that I feel like the worst mom in the world and how I feel so bad for my son because he has to have me as his mommy who is always sick all the time. I've been reminded a time or two that God didn't make a mistake sending my little boy to me and I am grateful for that. I just continue to hope and pray that I will be the sweet loving Mom that he needs me to be.
And of course I always love to share my latest favorite music with all of you. Here is a new song from David Archuleta sung especially for the new movie called "Meet the Mormons":
Glorious
Sung by David Archuletta
There are times when you might feel aimless
You can't see the places where you belong
But you will find that there is a purpose
It's been there within you all along and when you're near it
You can almost hear it.
[Chorus:]
It's like a symphony just keep listenin'
And pretty soon you'll start to figure out your part
Everyone plays a piece and there are melodies
In each one of us, oh, it's glorious
[Verse 2:]
You will know how to let it ring out as you discover who you are
Others around you will start to wake up
To the sounds that are in their hearts
It's so amazin', what we're all creatin'
[Chorus:]
It's like a symphony just keep listenin'
And pretty soon you'll start to figure out your part
Everyone plays a piece and there are melodies
In each one of us, oh, it's glorious
[Bridge:]
And as you feel the notes build
You will see
[Chorus:]
It's like a symphony just keep listenin'
And pretty soon you'll start to figure out yo part
Everyone plays a piece and there are melodies
In each one of us, oh, it's glorious
Until next time...
