Dream Big

I had a bad day yesterday (though on my gratitude side of yesterday- I am grateful that my back is getting stronger and I'm holding my chiropractic adjustments better over the past few weeks, seems my back muscles are getting stronger in that regard, which also means I've had fewer migraines. I was also able to see my mom and talk with her, also I am grateful she was able to give me my IV glutathione so I didn't have to poke myself this time around, it was a nice break, thank you mom!!! And I'm grateful for my sister and her big bear hugs she gives me pretty much on a daily basis these days, they are much needed right now. I love you sis!). Today was thankfully a much better day. I was able to muster up enough energy to spend some time with my son, rest my body from my traumatic day yesterday, shower (and stay standing in the shower and not fall over- that's a huge deal), put on makeup (which is a total miracle!) and go out with my family this evening for a few hours. My son was a huge helper and always loves to push mommy in the wheelchair, he's 4. I worry about him so much and how this experience of mommy being so sick will affect him, he worries so much, but I continue to pray it will just be a distant memory for him eventually and he will have a healthy mom for the rest of his childhood. Still, my body feels beat up now, even though most of my outing was spent sitting in a car, wheelchair, or those automatic shopping carts at grocery stores (which by the way, those are so cool to ride!) still I seem to come home, lay down and my body feels like it was hit by a semi truck and my body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and I can't seem to move after lying down. If I can get myself into a bath, I will do that to soothe sore muscles and joints, but otherwise I will lay on ice packs. It's definitely not fun, but I'm grateful for the better day I had today.

On the Lyme and Bartonella front, I've slowly been increasing my dose of my second antibiotic Biacin (my other antibiotic I'm on is minocycline) and so far so good, the side effects seem to be minimal. I still have about 2 more weeks of working up to the full dose. I increase the dose every four days, so it's a been a very slow ride. But apparently my body can't handle fast (as I figured out when I went on two antibiotics at once and ended up in the ER twice in one week), I have to take everything slow or I overload my system and my body reacts severely physically, mentally, and emotionally... so slow and steady is the game in my case. I've been dealing with more gastrointestinal issues like acid reflux which my doc says could be caused by the minocycline (I've been on it for about 3 months now), and I continue to battle my diet and eat better... it's not an easy task, I have a lot of common food sensitivities. Probiotics are helpful and taking something like zantac as well, but I am concerned about how my gut is going to be later on down the road after so much antibiotics and antifungal meds. I've thankfully been taking very little pain meds lately, but have had to increase my anti-nausea medication to help with my gastrointestinal issues, so I can continue to eat and keep myself hydrated (which is also an ongoing battle- hydration). It's certainly an uphill battle, but I at least can say I'm better than I was a few months ago in many respects.

I'm staying at my Sisters house right now, she lives on a lake and my room has a beautiful view. So on my days when I'm in bed, I can see the beautiful blue sky and the lake, the sunsets, and the beautiful bright stars on clear nights. Sometimes I go lay on my sisters bed upstairs and she has a gorgeous view from her room of the lake also. When I'm able to be up and about, I'm able to look out all the windows or go out on the deck (or on the private dock!) and enjoy the beautiful quiet lake, watch bald eagles fly overhead and swoop down to catch fish, listen to birds sing, and watch my little boy play with his cousins outside and enjoy being a little boy and having his own adventures. Nature sure can be healing in its own way. I also love it here because my nieces and nephews love music (as I do) and so everyday there is always music playing around the house and everyone is singing and dancing around while cooking, doing chores or doing homeschool, it's just a happy atmosphere to be in for me right now. I feel so open to just sing loudly with my nieces to music and not feel embarrassed, or play my own music loudly, it's so great! (I know, it probably sounds silly, but it means a lot to me).

While listening to music today I heard a song I hadn't heard in a while. It's called "Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe and the Rubberbands. It's total bluegrass country, and I'm so not a bluegrass country girl, but I fell in love with this song in college (thanks to my roommates who introduced it to me, and I was able to see the band live in college which was fun) and it pretty much became my theme song that got me through hard days of medic school, through my very difficult medic internship, and now once again it seems to fit my life right about now... here's the lyrics, and I have added a video so you are able to hear song.

(I did not make this video, I just chose it because I enjoyed the lyrics and photos):

"When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride,
don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain will soon be gone.

(Chorus)And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true
But when you dream, dream big.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
 nd when you pray, pray for strength to help you carry on,
when the troubles come your way.

(Chorus)And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
 
(Dream big.)(Dream big.)

And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
and it will help you feel okay. 
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on
when the troubles come your way. 

And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big."


I also found some really great paintings from one of my favorite artists Greg Olsen on Facebook that I thought I'd share for anyone needing a boost in life:

(I actually have this particular painting on my wall at home, it's one of my very favorites because there are many days when I feel like the little girl in the water trying to grasp onto the Saviors hand)

(Thanks Greg for sharing your talent!)

So here's to dreaming big, trying to stay strong, and remembering that we are not alone in our struggles.

Till Next Time... I pray I can keep my chin up.

~Liana